“I Feel Like Henri Was My Friend”: A 30 Under 30 Story
In this episode of Now & Then… Again, Wendy VanderWal Martin sits down with Gavin Cogburn—a Texas-based spiritual director-in-training, retreat leader, and member of the Henri Nouwen Society’s 30 Under 30 cohort. Gavin shares her surprising journey from early childhood education to interfaith spiritual formation, her deep connection to Henri Nouwen’s writings, and her vision for creating retreats that speak to an overstimulated, longing generation. Together, they explore silence, safety, belovedness, and the ache for “home” in a wounded world—offering a hopeful glimpse of how Nouwen’s wisdom is being reimagined by young leaders today.
Resources & Links
2026 Conference Website - https://www.conference.henrinouwen.org/
Sponsor 30 > 30 https://www.henrinouwen.org/give
https://www.retreathousecommunity.org/
Book Discussed:
Way of the Heart
https://amzn.to/2AxEi2y (CAD)
Available On
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Wendy VanderWal Martin: Welcome friends to a new episode of Now & Then… Again, produced by the Henri Nouwen Society. I'm your host, Wendy VanderWal Martin, and today I'm thrilled to have Gavin Cogburn as a guest. Gavin is part of our 30 under 30 young now and leaders cohort.
Gavin Cogburn: Thank you, Wendy. So my name is Gavin, and I am from a town called Salina, Texas. And in Salina it's a bit rural, but we're starting to grow and, and get towards the bigger city. I do venture towards Dallas a lot more nowadays because that's a lot of where my work is. I currently work for a spirituality center and I do a lot of work there. It's called Retreat House. And at Retreat House we do a lot of what I would consider mindful practices, spiritual formation, day retreats a lot of centering the mind and where that is. Where you are in your path. And just holding a lot of presence for each other. The retreat house itself has a lot of spiritual directors there, and it inspired me to become a spiritual director. And so I'm towards the end of my practicum right now and I absolutely love it.
Gavin Cogburn: I love being able to sit with people and bring them closer to God and invite the spirit in to whatever that may be and wherever we are. And we're interfaith. And so at Retreat House, it's a beautiful opportunity to find common ground amongst all the different peoples and backgrounds. And it's a safe place for people to be and grow together and, and to grow within themselves. So I enjoy it a lot. And I also stay very busy. I sit on the board of a camping conference center in East Texas called Gilmont. And they strive to bring people closer to creation and others and God. And it really has given me a light and a glow that I get to continue to spread with other people.
Wendy VanderWal Martin: Gavin, you are under the age of 30, which is <laugh> the meaning of the 30 under 30 cohort. Yes, there are 30 leaders, age 30 or younger, moving towards the 30th anniversary, commemorating the death of Henri Nouwen with a big conference next May, May, 2026. But at that young of an age, tell us how on earth did you feel drawn to work at a place like Retreat House?
Gavin Cogburn: It was a really beautiful opportunity. I used to be a pre-K teacher for years and then moved into the administrative area but for the longest time, I have felt a calling to ministry. I just really didn't know what that was. And for the longest time I thought like a call towards ministry meant you had to become a preacher behind a pulpit. And I thought that was the only option. And over time I've been able to, through my time at Mont I was able to make lots of friends and begin to learn that there were other things outside of just the church structure which is really nice. And, and so it sparked my curiosity to know more, to learn more. And I met an amazing woman named Lil Smith. She has introduced me to a whole other world of the Holy Spirit and moving and going through that and the opportunity to do that with others.
Gavin Cogburn: And she actually introduced me to some different things of Henri Nouwen's work and what that looked like. She would quote him a lot, and I would hear some different things here and there. And then eventually during my spiritual direction work, one of our assignments was to read one of the books of Henri Nouwen's work. And it was called The Way of the Heart. And I fell in love, absolutely fell in love with Henri. I thought his view of the world was just astounding and relatable, and it felt like I was connecting with someone who was right there in my presence. I didn't know much about Henri Nouwen at the time. I didn't know he had passed away. I didn't know that he was way before my time. But now to really be able to start meeting and, and learning more about him, I told someone else the other day that I feel like Henri and I were best friends in a other life.
Gavin Cogburn: Like, I feel like we were like this and tight and you couldn't separate the two of us. It just he's inspired me a lot. And so I was encouraged to consider applying for the 30, under 30. I was really nervous. Like I've learned that lots of us were because I thought, me being young, I thought, how would they even want me? And I am this girl from the small town in Texas, and I just wasn't sure. And then when I was accepted, I just couldn't believe how much love and support was there from the Henri Nouwen Society and how excited they were for us. And that soared my confidence through the roof. So that's kind of where I've landed and how I am here today with the, the 30 under 30.
Wendy VanderWal Martin: Well, I'll try not to feel old <laugh>, when you say Henri was way before your Oh,
Gavin Cogburn: Gosh.
Wendy VanderWal Martin: <laugh>, because I first read Henri when I was 16, and he was still alive and still publishing at that time. But part of the reason I'm so passionate about this initiative, 30 under 30, is that since his death, you know, do people still know about Henri? Are younger people being introduced to him? Inevitably when we run an event, there are a lot of folks who are, you know, between 60 and 80 plus. And I think it's so crucial that folks like yourself who are finding your spiritual path find Henri as one of the many beautiful guides, but a guide that, as you said, is so relatable and so relevant, although he didn't necessarily like the word relevant, but accessible and inviting and compelling. And so this cohort is journeying together for a year. You've been paired with a mentor, as have the other leaders. You're also gathering for meetings once a month with me. And we do some spiritual practice together, as well as preparing for the projects that all of you are working on that we'll be sharing at the 30th anniversary conference and with Youth Day as well. So, so many exciting things. Tell us a bit about who your mentor is and what project you've begun to work on for this program.
Gavin Cogburn: Oh, my mentor, his name is Jim Smith. And he is honestly one of the coolest people I've met. And I haven't even gotten to physically meet him yet, so I can't wait till the day that happens. But he knew Henri and he worked with Henri. And I have just, I feel like I get the opportunity to kind of step back in time not trying to tease at the ages <laugh>, but I feel like I get to step back in time and kind of walk the path with Henri again. And it, it was so interesting just to read his work and come from Henri's point of view, but then to have this mentor that has actually walked beside Henri and worked with Henri to have a whole other point of view of Henri's work at that time has strengthened absolutely my understanding of a lot of his work and how important it is to really share in what he had.
Gavin Cogburn: I've been able to learn a lot about different conversations and Henri's flaws, Henri's authentic self, his human being aspects. It feels a lot more like I know him now as a friend where you can see someone's wrinkles on their face, or you can hear the sharp tone in their voice when their pitches off of something, and you can see those different flaws versus what I feel like I've gotten is like a, a history lesson out of a, a book. And so being able to have that mentor with me has allowed me to see this whole other aspect of Henri and Jim has also walked me through a lot of different avenues of my project that I want to go and build with Henri Nouwen’s work. It's something that I see going on beyond our cohort this year and extending outwards to many communities and other opportunities to share with young adults. Honestly, I feel it could go towards any age, but it, especially young adults and sharing the ideas that Henri Nouwen had and creating that space for each other to grow. So Jim has given me amazing resources and he prays with me. He prays for me, and he makes me feel so comfortable and gives me great, great confidence when, when I'm not feeling up to par. So
Wendy VanderWal Martin: Yes, Jim Smith was with Henri at Harvard, was one of his assistants, and Jim will be in person at the conference. And so you'll be able to meet him finally then in person. Now tell us a little bit more about the shape of your project, because I think it's really exciting about the reverberations that will go far beyond our conference and that it will continue to be a resource, hopefully for people of all ages, as you said, but perhaps especially for people your age who need to be introduced to Henri.
Gavin Cogburn: Absolutely. So my project coming from a background at Mont, which is a camping conference center, and then being at retreat house, which is a day retreat center and spirituality center, retreat is the word that immediately hit me. I have helped lead many retreats. I know how to set them up logistically. And so the only part I really haven't experimented with was like writing the content for a retreat. And so this felt like the perfect opportunity to use Henri Nouwen’s work and really dive in. I have this thing that I do with my friends whenever I'm talking to them about Henri Nouwen and they have no clue who he is or have read one of his books. I said, honestly, read any of the titles of his books and which everyone speaks to you read it because I haven't read a book that wasn't profound or wasn't life giving.
Gavin Cogburn: And so I have stuck with the book the Way of the Heart, but then I've, especially through Jim and some of my other cohort members, I've heard some other articles and other books, so I'm going to apply those as well. But the idea is to take this book and create a retreat out of it and really help people go through some of the main parts of the book. Silence is a big one of the aspects, the stillness really diving into that and what that looks like. And in a life of busyness and being a young person, I don't envision this retreat being a silent retreat, especially because right now I feel like we are very accustomed to a very like 30 second stimulation world. With TikTok being so highly used and YouTube and things like that we often need that stimulation.
Gavin Cogburn: And so finding a middle ground between a very high pace workshop to a very silent still retreat, I want to find the middle ground there to create space for people to be still and move with the spirit. And so I envision this being a three day weekend retreat. I want to create the aspect of it to also be a half day retreat. So places like Retreat House can host something like this, or other churches or other organizations that are only equipped for a day retreat could do so. And then I have this beautiful opportunity to work with Retreat House to create an online course. So it would be what we would call a self-paced retreat. And you could take this and kind of walk through some different steps and go at your own pace and pick up whenever you can. And just walk with Henri and his beautiful work.
Wendy VanderWal Martin: I'm so excited that someone your age and stage of life is taking something that Henri wrote decades ago and bringing it into our contemporary reality where we are. Sometimes I think Henri <laugh> Henri already spoke about some of the dangers of technology and distraction, and I think, my goodness, what would he be saying in 2025 when we're on devices and on screens many hours every day?
Gavin Cogburn: I picture a very overstimulated Henri <laugh>.
Wendy VanderWal Martin: Well, and yet I think Henri was grounded in our belovedness, and so I know he would be gracious and kind as well as prophetic in challenging us to make space for God. And you're wanting to do that through these three different retreat resources, the three day, the half day or full day, and then the self-directed online retreat. And how exciting to have more resources out there for people to pause, hit the pause button and make space for their spirit to connect again with that which is beyond them and yet calls them Beloved. So beautiful. And how exciting to bring Henri to retreat house in its interfaith inclusivity and the ways in which Henri dreamed and hoped that he would be able to touch people far beyond religious spaces, beyond Christian spaces, but that the wisdom that he'd gained from God would be a blessing to all people everywhere. So we're so grateful for that. Now, we've mentioned the conference and it's going to be really exciting. You and I will meet in person the first time at the conference. You and Jim will meet, other mentors will be there, and you'll meet your other cohort members who you've only met on Zoom. So that's just super exciting. Tell me about just the opportunity to connect in person and what that will mean after having been online with each other for a year.
Gavin Cogburn: I… oh, <laugh> wow. Yeah, that
Wendy VanderWal Martin: Yeah, it's emotional.
Gavin Cogburn: Wow. I didn't really, I think I've been so focused on our project and all the to-dos to get ready to travel across the country and go outside internationally, and I've never done something like that before that. Wow. Yeah. That's big. That's <laugh>, that's a big feeling.
Wendy VanderWal Martin: Mm-hmm <affirmative>.
Gavin Cogburn: I find that the people in this cohort, and you, yourself, Wendy, and my mentor, are some of the most beautiful souls I've met, and I carry you guys with me. And it feels absolutely amazing to be with people who've created such a beautiful, safe space to grow closer to each other, to Henri's work and to our divine. And to be able to meet you and to hug you and to touch you feels, it feels very wholesome. It feels connected. It feels like a family member that I haven't seen in years, and you finally get to touch 'em and hold onto them. And so that was a very unexpected feeling. <laugh> such a simple question yet that, that carried a lot of weight to that <laugh>.
Wendy VanderWal Martin: Well, it just, it reminds me how we need to take a moment to connect with that deep longing for community that we all have. I think one of my adjustments in expectations about the 30 under 30 has been I sort of thought, okay, we're all going to be in these meetings and we'll, we'll just really get to know each other and it's going to be amazing. And we're, we're not there yet, but we're getting close to halfway through, which is hard to believe. And the reality is, nine countries, many time zones, many different schedules for school or work. And so instead of one big cohort, we've been in three little meetings, I get to see everybody, but not everyone gets to see everyone. And so, I don't want to say disappointed because what God is doing is what God is doing, and it is good, but it, the kind of connection we've been able to experience feels different than I had imagined.
Wendy VanderWal Martin: And so I know inside of my spirit is this anticipation, like kind of this childlike excitement for getting each other in the same space. And I don't think any of us are going to sleep a wink the whole time because <laugh> no. You know, we'll be on for the conference, but then we want to connect and talk to each other and hug each other's neck and just tell each other how important being together through this year has been. So I, I am really touched by your reaction, Gavin, because it just shows us that while we can be grateful for technology and the fact that you're in Texas and I'm in New Brunswick, Canada, and we can be having this conversation, it still isn't the same as being in the same room and, and being in each other's presence.
Gavin Cogburn: Well, and I think I am, we, I only know very few words about each person in my cohort, but the idea of knowing that each of these people have walked through the discernment, and I've heard some of their pain and I've heard some of their joy, and I've heard some of their concern and their goals and their strives, and to know that they've been walking through the same path and doing it in their own rhythm with me, but individually, I think just connects us on a whole other level. And so it's one of those things that I really had to force myself to find words to describe how it felt, because it's a podcast, and so people are listening. But it's, it's one of those things that I just don't even think my words really described the feeling. It's a, it's a indescribable feeling of presence and of unity and of just this joyful journey that we're on so
Wendy VanderWal Martin: Well, and the depth of emotion that I could sense even through Zoom to me, is such a deposit of hope, that the possibility and the anticipation of being together would move you in such a profound way, means that even though our world is so divided and fractured we were knit together not to be alone, but to be in relationship. And when we encounter those who share that quest for spiritual depth and spiritual connectedness, something really beautiful happens. Mm-hmm <affirmative>. So even through a podcast, I trust that our listeners will have a sense of what God is doing in us as we anticipate this time together.
Wendy VanderWal Martin: Now, the conference theme is Longing for Home: the prophetic witness of Henri Nouwen in a wounded world. And as I work on the design of the conference and confirming speakers and all sorts of exciting aspects to the conference, I have been just feeling like, how do I convey to people this both/and of the individual renewal that I trust will happen as we open ourselves spiritually in such an enriching environment. And then the collective sense of engagement and hope and courageous action for a wounded world. I'm like, how, how do I, how do I say that in a poster or a social media post? But one of the reasons we're doing these conversations is to ask each guest, you know, what's your resonance with that theme? And what do you think Henri's enduring witness is in a world that in many ways clearly is still one of such great beauty, but it's also one of deep woundedness.
Gavin Cogburn: Mm. Home feels like comfort and safety and a place to be authentically yourself. In a lot of conversations I've had with many, the word that keeps coming out of me is safe. The longing for safety, creating safety, wanting to feel safe. Because we are wounded. We are in a time of division and uncertainty. And so we want to feel that safe feeling. And, and home is often where, where that's supposed to be. I find myself during my spiritual direction sessions with my directee helping a directee notice the presence that's there and the spirit that's moving. And I often imagine this big circle of a whirlwind going around creating this guard and protecting us. And it often allows us to lower our shoulders, pull our head up, and breathe deeply. And being able to have that for each other, I feel is the goal. And I think that's what that means. I think that's what the, I think that's what that means.
Wendy VanderWal Martin: Well, certainly longing for home is one of a number of golden threads that run through Henri’s very vulnerable, very authentic writing. And, you know, when he was discerning the final vocational change to go to Daybreak it was the invitation of, we think we could be a home for you. That was one of certainly the compelling factors in his discernment in that time. And so this, this icon really of home, because our own experience, as you referenced our own experience of home, is sometimes a mixed bag. Maybe home wasn't safe, maybe home wasn't a place of unconditional love, but the icon of home you can, for those of you watching the video might catch Rembrandt, the return of the prodigal son painting plaque that I have on my bookshelf, for Henri, that icon of home, of returning into the embrace of belovedness did bring all this safety and nourishing and context in which we could be free and creative and whole and so on. And yet we're in a wounded world. So, Gavin, as someone who is in a 30, under 30 age, 30 and younger cohort, what are you encountering as Henri's prophetic witness that speaks to our wounded world today?
Wendy VanderWal Martin: So Henri speaks about many things related to the spiritual life, things that you're reading. Mm-hmm <affirmative>. Silence, solitude, et cetera. As we think about a world that's wounded, wounded by, by lies, wounded by corruption, wounded by oppression, wounded by injustice, inequity, wounded by disparity of wealth, wounded in so many ways. What's something that you're reading in Henri that you say, Hey, that gives me hope in our world, that there's still, there's still a plumb line, there's still a way through to live in a way that contributes to healing, doesn't fix everything, doesn't solve everything, but it's a way through in which we will be known more for what we are for than what we are against that will contribute to the vision of God making things right.
Gavin Cogburn: Hmm. I think that in a lot of the readings I've had of Henri's a lot of his readings, I'm finding a theme of, of longing for like you had mentioned early of longing for a home and trying to find that. And so I feel that Henri talks a lot about finding the strength and the love and the support through the holy and remembering to notice too that these things that we feel are so big or maybe we even recognize them as small wounds, but a lot of the things that we feel are such big wounds really don't amount to what the strength is that is of the divine.
Gavin Cogburn: And I really recognize that Henri talks a lot about his self authentically. And through that, I think it really allows us the opportunity to reflect on ourselves authentically and to bring our authentic self forward to face these wounds and to feel them. He talks a lot about like noticing and feeling it. He describes things in good detail and he doesn't just run over the problem very quickly and sweep it under the rug. He recognizes it and, and walks through that. And I, I think noticing the wounds and noticing how they feel and, and the details about them allow us to come to that place of safety and that place of comfort.
Wendy VanderWal Martin: Hmm. Gavin, it's really been a joy to get to know you through the course of this 30 under 30 cohort. Thank you for your depth and vibrancy that you bring to all the conversations, and I am really looking forward to giving you that hug in May, 2026 in Toronto at the Longing for Home Conference. Thanks for being with me this afternoon.
Gavin Cogburn: Thank you so much. Wendy
Wendy VanderWal Martin: I'm so glad to have had Gavin in this conversation, and I hope you could hear her excitement and passion for spirituality and for Henri Nouwen. Now, we we're looking for sponsors for our 30 under 30 leaders to cover their travel accommodation meals and conference registration for May. If you are interested in making it possible for them to gather in Toronto and have that sense of connection and community together, please get in touch with me at the Society, and I'd be glad to have further conversation with you.
