Walking Home
In this episode of Now and Then Again, host Wendy Vanderwal Martin speaks with Meagan Harkins, a participant in the Henri Nouwen Society’s “30 Under 30” program. Meagan shares her journey from early encounters with Henri Nouwen’s writings to her current work in foster care and social work. Together, they explore themes of identity, belonging, and spiritual formation—reflecting on what it means to be human, to embrace limitation, and to find “home” in both God and self. Through honest conversation about transition, community, and the wisdom of Nouwen, this episode offers a hopeful vision for living with presence and purpose in a wounded world.
Resources & Links
2026 Conference Website - https://www.conference.henrinouwen.org/
Sponsor 30 > 30 https://www.henrinouwen.org/give
Book Discussed:
Way of the Heart
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Return of the Prodigal Son
(CAD) https://amzn.to/3vexKiN
The Inner Voice of Love
(CAD) https://amzn.to/37kJJOm
Community
(CAD) https://amzn.to/39mZMgk
Available On
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Wendy Vanderwal Martin: Welcome friends to another episode of Now and then again, produced by the Henri Nouwen Society. My name's Wendy Vanderwal Martin, and I'm delighted to serve as your host today. Our guest is one of our 30 under 30 leaders in the program that leads us up to the 2026 conference, Longing for Home, the Prophetic Witness of Henri Nouwen in a Wounded World. And so our guest today is Meagan Harkins. Meagan, so glad you're here.
Meagan Harkins: Thank you so much for having me. It really is an honor. Wendy
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: <laugh>. Well, I hope we have a fun conversation together and that those who listen will just enjoy, uh, listening in on the experience you've been having in the 30 under 30 program. But before we get to that, why don't you tell us a little bit about just where you are at this stage in your life and what brings you to this conversation?
Meagan Harkins: Yes, ma'am. So a little bit about me is I'm originally from Orlando, Florida and I'm currently a dependency case manager. So working with kids who are in the foster care system and also working with their parents on hopefully working towards the goal over reunification or just whatever is best for that family. Um, I'm also getting my master's in social work. And then prior to that I attended the University of Mississippi for college. I studied journalism, and then I spent four years in Nashville, Tennessee, kind of working in Christian ministry, trying to figure out what I wanted to do, um, before entering into the field of social work as I am now.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: Mm-hmm <affirmative>. And you just relocated back to Florida, is that right?
Meagan Harkins: Yes, ma'am.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: Oh, I can't get used to the Yes ma'am. <laugh> that up where I'm from in the north.
Meagan Harkins: I did get a warning. The Southern cannot, cannot come out of me <laugh>.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: Well, I'll just, uh, I'll take it as a term of endearment. How's that? Yes, <laugh>. It's,
Meagan Harkins: It's for sure
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: <laugh>. Now for those of you listening in and perhaps not as familiar with this 30 under 30 program, uh, it is a group of 30 young leaders, age 30 and younger who are journeying together for a year towards the 30th anniversary conference. That's a lot of thirties. That's intentional. It helps us remember. Uh, but it's been just an amazing time. We're more than halfway through now, uh, where each leader is paired with a mentor and has time in cohort learning, peer learning, and uh, uh, some conversations facilitated by myself as well as working on a key project. So, Meagan, tell us, how did you encounter Henri Nouwen, how has he become someone in your life that would, uh, be enough of an influence that you would even wanna participate in a program like this? Where did you first encounter Henri?
Meagan Harkins: I first encountered Henri in high school, actually, and it's a funny story. I'll, I'll try to tell this quickly as possible, but kind of in middle school, going back to middle school, I was part of like the mean girls group and there was some bullying. And one of the girls from that group is actually the reason I like, got involved in my church of just like, well, this isn't working at school, let me get involved in my church. So I kind of credit that to like, this is how I got to know the Lord. Um, but then coincidentally that same girl, she showed me this like lifestyle vlogger on YouTube that we used to watch. Um, so I watched her for years and years, even after this friendship and this woman on YouTube, um, was just going through a hard time and she read an excerpt from The Inner Voice of Love by Henri Nouwen, and I believe it was the Reflection, um, come back to the Solid Place.
Meagan Harkins: I think it's like page 12. And I just remember hearing that as like a 16-year-old and was just so struck because I really struggled with feeling like my faith was an ocean and just constantly going up and down and doubting faith and doubting faith. And um, it just really stuck with me. So then years later in college, I finally looked up where, where does this come from? I only knew the book, I didn't know who wrote it. And then I saw that he was Catholic. I'm Catholic. Um, so I ordered the book and the rest is history from there.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: Mm-hmm <affirmative>. Well, I encountered Henri at age 16 as well, really? So, uh, we share that in common and what a tender vulnerable age that can be. And Henri worked so hard at ensuring that his writing was very accessible and, uh, it's hard work to make profound truths simple. And, uh, for teenagers to encounter Henri and find in him a voice that feels like you're reading my mail, you, you know me, uh, is so powerful. Which is why one of the things that we're doing with this cohort of leaders is that the first day of the conference May 14th during the day, the conference starts in the evening, but Meagan and her cohort, uh, we will be hosting hopefully 300 high school students, which we're just so thrilled about because of what you just said, Meagan, that at that age with the anxiety, the bullying, the loneliness, the depression, the overwhelming world of distraction and expectation, we know that the words of Henri now and can be truly transformational and lifesaving. So that's such a, a beautiful connection to both your time in this cohort and that tender age. Yes, ma'am. So thank you for sharing that. Now, how did you hear about the cohort and what, what made you wanna specifically spend a year journeying with other people your age who are crazy about Henri Nouwen?
Meagan Harkins: Yeah, it's funny because I've been on the email list forever, but I didn't hear about the cohort from the email list. I learned about it from my young adult group at my church in Nashville, Tennessee. It was in their email list, and I never read those emails and it was at the very bottom of the email, but I just happened to scroll and it just kind of stopped me in my tracks because like, long story short, the reason I moved to Nashville, Tennessee was because the first job that I had, um, was at a Christian camp and retreat center, and it was named after one of Henri Nouwen’s books after an excerpt in it. So I always say like, Henri Nouwen is the one who walked me there, like from college of like, okay, he's like walking me home. So like, this will be my next home.
Meagan Harkins: And then at this point in the spring, I'd already decided that I would be moving back to Florida and just like seeking the Lord of I, I like trust in your will and in your spirit, this is the right next step, but like, it would just be really kind if you could give me a little pat on the back or a little push or a little encouragement, just literally anything. God. Um, so I like know that it is like in your spirit that I'm walking. Um, so it just clicked in my brain of like, this is just like, so the Lord's will for me and like Henri Nouwen will now walk me home to my next home. Um, so it just like wasn't a question of, yeah, the span is gonna start as I'm packing up and it's gonna end as I'm hopefully like settling and landing my feet somewhere new. Um, yeah. And it just really is an honor to be a part of Henri's legacy and to be able to give back to him because I always call him my spiritual father and my spiritual best friend and my spiritual mentor. Like he has been my greatest ally I feel in this spiritual life. Um, so there's no reason I ever would not want to be a part of something of his legacy. So it, it is just so cool and special
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: <laugh>. And so you took the time, you filled out the application. Uh, I was wondering at one point whether or not this would actually launch. Um, but all of you waited I think until the last two days, <laugh> before the deadline and suddenly we had a full cohort. Wow. So God's grace has just sprinkled this experience all the way through, but tell us a bit about what it's been like for you in the cohort. What have you encountered? What has surprised you? What has been encouraging and blessed you? What, what has, what's it been like?
Meagan Harkins: I think it's cool because it's been grounding in that everyone in the cohort we've been formed in very similar ways, um, because we've been formed by these words and these ideas and these movement of the spirit. But it's also funny because we're so different. I think do we come from like 12 countries or something like that? Um, so it's just so interesting, like how different we are, but there's a great sameness in that and a great commonality in that. And I know Henri Nouwen writes about like that which is most specific is actually that which is most universal. So it's just really cool. Um, yeah, the unity in that. And I think so many people in the cohort have been undergoing transitions and it really is just grounding and humbling and freeing and brings a lot of peace, um, to know that we're like walking alongside all of each other even though it's from a distance. Um, yeah. Just to know that we're like walking step in step and then we get these check-in points of like, okay, I see you, I hear you. I'm still here. Let's keep going. I'll see you next month kind of thing.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: Mm-hmm <affirmative>. Thank you. Yeah. A big part of the program of course is that you've been paired with a mentor and that was, uh, an adventure for me in taking some of the mentors I knew really well, others I didn't know as well. And very prayerfully saying, God, let these matches be <laugh>, uh, beautiful in your sight and in the lives not only of you guys, but also for the mentors that they would, uh, really be blessed through the experience. And tell us who your mentor is and how that relationship has been. What did it work out? Did you guys have a good fit?
Meagan Harkins: Oh my gosh. It is a holy and beautiful and perfect fit. Like, I just can't imagine pieces coming together better. Um, I have Jill, is it Trites? Is that how you say her last name? Yes. Um, I have Jill and we haven't gotten to meet in person 'cause she does live in Canada, so hopefully I'll meet her at the retreat. But it's, we both have backgrounds, um, in summer camp. We both love summer camp and both of our testimonies are very similar just in that we came to know the Lord solely through the idea of his love transforms everything. And as I first shared my testimony with her on our first call, she just started tearing and said, yeah, me too. And was able to share her. So there's a great commonality there. And then she's has experience working in human trafficking and yeah, in the social work field. And that's something I've been entering into over the past year. So it's cool to have her perspective because she understands like the personal part of that and the spiritual part of that. So it has just been really fun to get to know her and it feels kind of like spiritual direction every time, but also kind of like just catching up with a really good friend and it's just a mix of a lot of good things.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: Mm-hmm <affirmative>. Yeah. That's a beautiful thing about being mentored is it, is this mixture of friendship and direction and coaching and Yeah. And pastoring and kindness and, and, uh, uh, you know, I don't think it matters how old you are. Uh, wise, people are always on the lookout for the next person who can offer some mentoring to them. Yeah. Uh, someone who has a different experience than they do, uh, perhaps has wisdom forged through suffering and, and challenge and can speak into our lives. Uh, and so, uh, the mentoring portion of this program has been really important. And, uh, I am hopeful that many mentors will be able to make it to the conference so that people will have an infl incarnate experience together of, of just really sharing the blessing that, you know, through technology. We have many opportunities and we're grateful for that, but it, it never quite is the same as being in the same space physically together and allowing all of our being to really connect with each other. So we're grateful to Jill and all of the mentors who have, um, just graciously offered their time and their energy. Now, another part of the project or the program is that you each have a project saying, uh, how does Henri's spiritual wisdom impact my life and my context? And so there's a lot of different kinds of projects, but tell us about yours.
Meagan Harkins: Yeah. My mine has been through a couple different phases, including one call with you, Wendy, where I'm like, we're gonna rework this, we're gonna rethink this. And I think when it came down to it, you told us the purpose of the project was to invite a new generation to know Henri. And when I think about sharing him with specifically women younger than me, I think about all of the camp staff who I've been able to train and lead like throughout different summers at camp or my different campers that I've had over various summers. And we just love sitting on the porch chatting with each other and just reading scripture and just sharing our insight and yeah, what we pray about with it. And then if they come to my house, just like sitting on the couch in the living room and just talking for hours and moving, that's something I miss.
Meagan Harkins: And it's funny because they're always, they've asked me like, what has formed you to think this way? Or what has formed you to say these things? And one of my top two answers every time is Henri Nouwen, um, like, I have been so formed by him. So if I could do something to gift the next generation, if I could do something to gift these spiritual little sisters that I've been given, it is just to give him my words as a reflection of his heart. That way they can see where they come from. So essentially I'm writing reflections on Henri's reflections, and it's kind of just me in conversation with him and a short paragraph or excerpt from books I've read from him, and then like a page reflection by myself, um, to hopefully put together. And then I've kind of broken it up into the three greatest things Henri has taught me.
Meagan Harkins: Um, and the first is, who am I? And the second is, who is my neighbor? And the third is who is the Lord? And just, yeah, like the gift of the beauty of self and also the poverty of self and the gift of being human and the limitation that is, but also the freedom that is, and then with our neighbor, um, yeah. How great it is to recognize every brother and sister as neighbor and come to know every brother and sister as friend. And also recognize the limitations in sharing and how do we have community that doesn't have walls, but also not overshare in a way that he has like dishonoring in some way to ourselves. Um, and then who is the Lord? And that God is so simple, but also God is so complex and so nuanced and just wrestling with so many ideas about God that I feel like Henri has really invited me to wrestle with the three of those things. So it's kind of sharing my wrestlings on both ends of those categories.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: Thank you. Tell, tell us what books of Henri's have you really gone to as you've delved into this project? What are some of the books, you've already mentioned inner Voice of Love, but are there other ones that you find, uh, these really were impactful for me?
Meagan Harkins: Yeah. I, I've used a lot of them, um, because I wanna show the spread of, they're, they're so varied, but so in the same language, but the ones I've used the most, most likely will be, I'm actually not even using the Inner Voice of love because I would take the whole book and <laugh>, like, I just have to leave that over there, but Return the Prodigal Son, of course. And the way of the heart is really beautiful just on solitude and silence, and I'm such a words person and the way of the heart talks a lot about like, words are actually limiting and words can actually be illusions. And that was really challenging for me. Also, community, which is a way newer Henri Nouwen book has been really transformative because it talks a lot about like God's blessing in our weakest place. And if our weakest place is our loneliness, we need to sit there. Um, yeah. So off the top of my head, those are ones that really have stood out in the process.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: Mm-hmm <affirmative>. So Return of the Prodigal Son Way of the Heart and Community, and you're right, that was edited by Stephen Lazarus and, and is a more recent posthumous publication. Yeah. So perhaps f Friends who are listening, if you haven't picked up community, uh, let Meagan's endorsement be a nudge to add that to your reading list this year. Um, so as you think about your identity, tell us a bit more about, you know, you're still in the, in the first leg of your life, and how has that evolved for you? And, you know, we're just at the cusp of a new year mm-hmm <affirmative>. Uh, a time, you know, there's lots of, uh, discussion about whether New Year's resolutions are helpful or, or not. And, and yeah. You know, I don't need to delve into that conversation, but as you stand at the threshold, the liminal space of a new year, and think about your identity finishing a master's, moving now into your vocational life, uh, having gone through a lot of transition, what are some of the things that you're carrying forward in 2026?
Meagan Harkins: That's a really good question. Um, one of the things I think that's really moved in my heart and in my spirit over the past year, as of I'm growing up and my frontal lobe is finishing developing and all those kinds of things, um, it is just like the gift of capacity that we have as humans and the gift of our finiteness and the gift of poverty. And actually yesterday I was playing the piano and I was playing the little drummer Boy. And when it says, um, I'm a poor boy too, and it's like, oh, if I go to the nativity and if I see baby Jesus, a consolation that I can give him is I am also poor. Like, Lord, I'm with you. But to say that there has to be a level of surrender to allow ourselves into poverty, like whatever that might look like.
Meagan Harkins: Um, and read a really transformational book this past year called Poverty of Spirit that my priest recommended, and it just talked about when Jesus was suffering in the desert, the devil did not tempt Jesus to stay human. The devil tempted Jesus to be God because the devil was scared of how much power rest in Jesus being fully human. And Jesus never once he was perfect because he never once denied his humanity and the limitations of it. And I am just missed, like I can do everything and I can be all things to all people, and I can be in 10 places at once and I can fill my schedule. And there's just been a lot of work in my heart, um, to recognize that that is not sustainable or good or holy or, um, yeah, to be glorified. But like something that is good is to recognize the finiteness of being where my feet are. And something that is good is to recognize, um, my limitation and, and loving a friend or being what they might need in a moment. And I think just trying to yeah. Come into my own body more, if that makes sense. And come into the place where the Lord has planted in me. Yeah. Has been a large moment, which is also cool because my word of the ear is incarnate. So trying to sit too with Jesus was incarnate and I'm incarnate, and this body matters, and he gave it for a reason.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: Mm-hmm <affirmative>. I encourage listening to you, Meagan, uh, as someone who is no longer anywhere near 30, uh, because I, if I could speak to my 30-year-old self, I would say, uh, don't be so hard on your body, you'll pay the piper someday. <laugh>. Yeah. Uh, and so I'm, I'm grateful to hear that, uh, you are taking in that kind of spiritual wisdom to resist the lure of busyness, the lure of productivity, the lure of, um, wealth in, in all of its, uh, various ways that it manifests in our lives. Um, the simpler, less hurried, uh, slower, fully present life is a life in which that union communion with the living creator, uh, is possible. So I bless you in that for 2026, and for all of us who are listening that we too would just slow down and make space. Um, one of the blessings I have found myself sharing, Meagan, I may have even put it in an email to you because I find myself, uh, returning to it again and again, is to, uh, in hope for people the blessing that they would find quiet space to hear the whisper of the holy each day of 2026.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: And I think our world is ever increasingly pushing out those quiet spaces to hear the whisper of the holy.
Meagan Harkins: Yeah.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: So our conference is coming up and it is entitled Longing For Home. You've spoken about home already. The second part is the Prophetic Witness of Henri Nouwen in a Wounded World. We're hoping of course, that people will deeply resonate with this theme, both for their own personal spiritual nourishment and depth, uh, but also that it would, uh, inspire yes, equip yes. Challenge, yes, but really, um, bring them into a discerning sense of connection with the wounded world, uh, that they would know the work that God invites them to, uh, co-create with God in being present in this wounded world. But tell us, as you think about such a rich theme for a conference, what's resonating with you about that and what are some of your hopes for what you might experience at the conference in May?
Meagan Harkins: Yeah, it, it definitely is a rich theme, and there's, there's so much there. And I'm excited because the Holy Spirit has something for different, for each of us in that which is so cool that there's a little nugget or a little treasure just yeah, something prepared for each of us. But I think for myself, I, I always think about like when Henri says like, life is a series of homecomings and homecoming has just been such a theme of my life. And actually my senior thesis in college was written about home, and it was, um, yeah, about, I like called it terrain for the heart is what home is. And so when I think about the conference, I think about invitation into this next homecoming, which I'm trying to hold in both hands, which is something Henri's taught me to do of what is it to be at home in myself and what is it to be at home in the Lord and recognize he comes to dwell here, this is his dwelling place.
Meagan Harkins: How do I make it like a good resting place for him? How do I become a tabernacle? How do I become more like Mary and just yeah, find home more in myself. So like, it doesn't matter where I am, am and it doesn't matter who I'm around, but my resting place is the, is the Lord. And where I am, the Lord also is. So holding that, but also holding, um, this idea that I, I struggle to believe, and I'm trying to stem more into this year, like with the word incarnate of God cares about the matter of the thing too. And God cares about the details of our life more than we do, and God cares about the specifics of our life more than we do. So what is it when we're longing for home that's like, yeah, also the physical place, like is important and we are able to, yeah, work at that with the Lord, um, for a place that creates home and like relationally, like relationships can represent home to us.
Meagan Harkins: And just recognizing like the physical and relational is just as important in the spirit. Um, and I think I tend to neglect that and just run as a girl who just grew up loving Jesus of kind of like, well, I could just like hide myself in him and kind of avoid like the matter or the conflict or the situation, but to come recognize like, no, God dwells in that too. So I, I hope this is making sense, but just like dwelling in the spiritual part of home, but also learning to dwell in the physical, um, in a way that is wholehearted in a way that also trusts his presence there. And yeah, was like willing to seek and to find it in like the very realness of it all.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: Yeah. I, you know, all of us have our, our different, uh, bents, one might say, um, some of us have that, uh, perhaps we've had people say to us, you know, you're so spiritual, you're of no earthly good, which is not a helpful thing, but some of us have kind of heard that chiding, so to speak, um, and others of us are, are so planted in the tangible that, you know, people wonder what's our connection with the spiritual? And, um, it's so easy to judge one another or to assume we see all that there is. And, uh, we are so often like the glacier where we just see the tip, we see one expression of that person, and there's a whole lot under the depths that we don't see. And so this notion of home of our deep longing for home is so multifaceted. And the beauty about coming together, especially in person for this conference, is to take the time, certainly there are amazing speakers, there's wonderful breakout sessions.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: We have a wonderful worship leader, there'll be good liturgy, there'll be, you know, many opportunities for spiritual practice. Uh, and yet I think around the meals and in the breaks and in the evenings when we're connecting with people and sharing our hearts about that longing for home, the ways we have experienced it, the ways we're looking to experience it, the newness God is drawing us into learnings that we've had, sharing that intergenerationally. I know those are things that I've really been praying about as I pray in anticipation of this conference. So thank you for sharing some of your heart about that motif of what it, what is it to long for home to experience home and to experience it in many different ways.
Meagan Harkins: Yeah. And I, there's just so much power in having a space apart from your daily life and apart from your daily routine to be able to like look with an outside point of view and yeah, to be surrounded by people from all over the world. Um, I think there's just so much good. Jesus always went away and reflected, and it's good to go away and reflect, but it's also good to go away and reflect with one another, which I think is what we'll be able to do.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: Yes. Well, for those of you listening, again, this conference is going to be held in Toronto at St. Michael's College University on the University of Toronto campus. It's May 14 through 16. It starts in the evening on the Thursday, and concludes Saturday afternoon, May 16th. And, uh, for those of you listening, uh, not in Canada like Meagan, uh, registration is in Canadian dollars. So pretty much, you know, you'll, you'll, uh, you'll be surprised at how affordable it is on campus housing will be available at affordable rates. And so our, our hope certainly is that, uh, people will come together, uh, and be present with one another in these post COVID years, certainly to celebrate Henri's legacy. But I think Henri's heart would be that we live into the fruitfulness of his legacy, and that is to be spiritually nourished and challenged and to be equipped to engage our world as peacemakers, as those committed to justice and as those bearing the good news that we are God's beloved. Meagan, it's been, uh, a treat to have this conversation with you. Thanks so much.
Meagan Harkins: Thank you so much for having me. It is a gift and I can't wait to meet you in May and meet everyone from the cohort in May.
Wendy Vanderwal Martin: Absolutely. And for those of you listening, thanks for taking the time to check into this conversation. Uh, if you don't wanna miss an episode, subscribe to this podcast and then you'll get notifications every time we drop a new episode. And until the next conversation, never, ever, ever forget you are the beloved of God.
