Next discussion scheduled for Advent

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1. Moderator:
   March 7th, 2010 @ 11:42 pm

   Another amazing week of discussion! Welcome Denise, and all who joined recently.

   I fully enjoyed reading your posts this evening. What a group of honest hearts. Patricia, I also appreciated your post (33). Every time I sit down to prepare for the next section of the book I feel some anxiety about whether or not I’ll have anything to offer! The first week, Prologue and Introduction I wasn’t sure if my set of questions would be effective in facilitating a discussion. “What if nobody responds?” I thought

   Fortunately, you all did! Thank you! I do feel that this group is full of co-leaders. I am so relieved that you respond to each other and encourage one another. This is my first experience of an online book discussion, and I’ve been blessed by being a part of it.

   With that, I invite you all to move up to the new post, and we can begin a new week together.

   Brynn

2. Judy Chick-Smith:
   March 7th, 2010 @ 10:22 pm

   Having finally received a copy of the book, I will join in the discussion.
   I think the identity that I “hide behind” is knowledge, honesty and truthfulness. I am an avid reader who believes knowledge is power. However, offering one’s own vulnerable self to the world helps others to see one’s humanness. Perhaps one has “walked the walk”. I think the hearts of men and women cry out: ‘Listen to me’; ‘I have value’; ‘See me’; ‘Show me someone cares’.
   It is important that we find time daily to connect with the Word. Pause. Be still and quiet-really a struggle for me… Try to hear what comes to you.
   Where do I see the Face of God today?
   Am I portraying the essence of Divine Love?
   Am I non-judgmental?
   Judy

3. Sharon K. Hall:
   March 7th, 2010 @ 8:04 pm

   My hiding place is behind an identification of “marginalization.” Because that thinking is inside me, I have a keen interest in and feeling of bonding or something with others whom society often marginalizes. However, this identification sort of “does me in” because some key people whom I respect try to convince me I am not actually “marginal” and also often am not really using my gifts to serve God and the community fully. Feeling marginal is an aspect of feeling fearful. I’ve delved some in contemplative prayer and am more convinced now from reading Henri Nouwen and the sharing on this blogg that it would be good to be much more intentional about it.

4. Ray Glennon:
   March 7th, 2010 @ 3:29 pm

   Patricia,

   Thank you for the courage to write post #33.

   The questions you asked yourself about your posts are the same ones that I have asked myself after posting something. And your reflecton spoke directly to me. I don’t know that I truly “get it” yet, and if I do I know I don’t live that way, but your post was a blessing to me.

   I, too, am a lector or reader at Mass. And the excerpt from “Thc Cloister Walk” that direclty applies when I am given the opportunity to read Scripture “…hoping to become invisible behind them (i.e., the words)” can also be a guide to how we live our Christian lives as well. Shouldn’t we, as individuals be “hoping to become invisible as we live our lives for the glory of God.” That may be the right goal, but it certainly is at odds with the world in which we live where fame and recognition for worldly accomplishments is eagerly sought and almost “worshipped” in the popular press.

   I’m looking forward to sharing the next section of the book with each of you next week.

   Ray

5. Denise:
   March 7th, 2010 @ 1:46 pm

   Hi all, I am joining in late here. I had trouble locating the book and should of just ordered it but didn’t think I’d have this much trouble finding it. Anyways, I have kept up with the discussions posted so far. I will start at the beginning which will make this a long post but..
   I live in Western Pa, recently I have been investing my daily energy in finding inner peace. I first heard of Nouwen while I was looking for inspirational quotes. I then was looking for a book recommended to me by my pastor and I came across The Inner Voice of Love and I ordered it. I’m still reading it.
   My christian leader role is as an elder in our church. My term was up and the pastor asked me to do a 2nd term. I was uncomfortable with that as I feel my life is a mess and I am in no way worthy of being a leader when my own life is a mess. So I asked to talk to him about it. After discussing it and listening to my fears and convincing me that I should seek counseling, I decided to go ahead with the 2nd term convinced that I wouldn’t be asked if I wasn’t worthy. It took a couple months of talking to my pastor before I started counseling but I did in January.
   As far as Matthew and John’s readings and what stuck out to me was that we are not to test the Lord and to serve only him. Also to love and follow the Lord. I told my pastor one morning last week that I am emotionally and spiritually in a better place than I have been in a very long time.
   On the Prologue and Intro: Henri felt burned out and prayed to the Lord to guide him to the work the Lord wanted him to do. The move to L’Arche was good in showing him the trust and spirit in the others. I can absolutely identify with his experience. I have prayed more in the last 4 months then I ever have and asked for guidance and I am now following it and it is working for me. I am still unpolished but am happily serving my 2nd term as elder in the church.
   From Relevance to prayer, the characteristics I hide behind are always being happy, being strong and in control. The message is that God loves us not because of what we do or accomplish. It is important because we are then more transparent of our own emotions and more open to others and more able to help them. On despair, mine is troubled relationships, emptiness, depression and a feeling of worthlesness. We are to bring the light of Jesus by entering into the deep solidarity and anguish of others. I am walking towards it more in being more transparent and open with my pastor and some of the members of the church. An irrelevant vulnerable leader is not someone weak. It is someone who is able to show others they are human too and have many of the same struggles and doubts that you do. The comment he made that we are in control and if not than we have to work harder speaks pretty loudly to me. I have the outward show of being in control but my counselor tells me I need to work more on the things I can control instead of just going along and accepting what is. She said that is the opposite of what she tells most people.

6. Patricia Blomeley-Maddigan:
   March 6th, 2010 @ 5:27 pm

   Katy - # 32 - (and we are so much more than numbers!!) Anyway, Katy, your words spoke to me at such a deep level - how very BRAVE of you to hand responsibility for care giving to someone else, when your well ran dry. How insightful you were to become aware of that, and just so very brave to ask for responsibility to shift - very brave. I commend you wholeheartedly.

   Many, Many Blessings on you,

   Patricia

7. Patricia Blomeley-Maddigan:
   March 6th, 2010 @ 10:38 am

   I now find something that is disturbing, humbling, and I must admit somewhat embarrassing. Here I sit, occasionally checking back to this site, looking to see if anyone has added a posting. Has Brynn as Moderator posted a remark, or perhaps posed another question, or thought provoking remark?

   And yet really I find myself also drawn to my own posts - re-reading them, as if to remind myself of what I said, as if to see if I still believe what I said, mean what I said, when in fact what I truly find myself looking for is: Can I tell if someone else has read my post? Is there a reaction to it? Have I been singled out of the 30 odd postings to have someone remark on some clever, astute, witty, or profound comment that I have made? Does someone disagree with me? Does someone agree with me? Is someone questioning me, and can I now respond? Which of course means, can I post again?

   Maybe I am finally understanding the title of this part of the book? “From Relevance to Prayer” For me, should it read from Irrelevance to Prayer? Meaning, I say I want to be an irrelevant leader? But do I really? I say I AM an irrelevant leader, letting God work through me - but am I really??

   Maybe I really do want to be relevant? So, I should go from my need to be relevant direct to prayer = prayer on my knees = begging Jesus’ forgiveness for my not-so-humble desires and needs. From Relevance to Prayer. Am I getting it??

   But, then I think no, from Relevance to Prayer is the correct title. I need to bring my need for relevance - which I say I don’t need!! - TO PRAYER; and in that way truly changing my need to be relevant, to an irrelevance, where I TRULY, TRULY rest in an irrelevance of knowing Jesus IS TRULY IN CONTROL. And that He is the ONLY TRUE Relevant Leader.

   I am reminded of a phrase from a book by Kathleen Norris. One of my previous parishes kept this prayer at the front of the church - in the Reader’s pew - encouraging us to pray it before proclaiming the Word of God.

   It is from Kathleen’s book “The Cloister Walk” - page 68 for reference.

   Here’s the whole passage:

   “The Liturgy of the Word is prayer. You pray the scriptures with, and for, the people assembled, and the words go out to them, touching them in ways only God can imagine. The words are all that matter, and you send them out as prayer, hoping to become invisible behind them”.

   “…. hoping to become invisible behind them”.
   “…. hoping to become invisible behind them”.

   That MUST be MY prayer as an irrelevant leader: God is all that matters, His ways go out of me, in a way He wants. I need to send His ways out of me as prayer, hoping to become invisible - IRRELEVANT - behind them. So that ALL that I do is truly prayer.

   From Relevance - to Prayer - to Irrelevance - to Prayer - to true Irrelevance.

   And for me, I think I finally, really, TRULY, honestly, get it.

   Namaste, namaste,

   Patricia

8. Katy:
   March 6th, 2010 @ 10:22 am

   “Also, on some level I think my identity was tied up with being the giver. Perhaps I didn’t feel worthy to receive the same from others or God and was even unable to give in the same way towards myself”-Michelle, post #18

   Oh, this hit home. I am the giver, too. I don’t feel worthy of receiving unconditional love from others or God. I feel as though I have to perform and earn it. And I was unable to “give” to myself until recently.

   I’ve had to hand care taking responsibilities over to my brother for a sick parent because I have nothing. I gave for the past year until I had nothing left. It was just easier to hide behind giving than to deal with grieving. And I felt the pressure from other believers to “have it all together” and pressure from myself.

   These posts have been wonderful and life giving. Being surrounded by a society I live in that expects me to have it all together, I have but one or two friends to remind me that hiding is more detrimental than what I perceive vulnerability to be. Thank you for being my reminders, too. Especially that I’m not alone in the struggle to find my identity in Christ, God-with-us, and it’s ok to in fact struggle.

9. Rose:
   March 5th, 2010 @ 10:12 pm

   Re: post # 5 Judy M —
   Thank you for the reminder! It seems that every day my path brings me more in touch with brokenness and often I leave frustrated with myself that I can’t do anything but pray for them. Your post made me realize that just “being present” IS doing something.
   There has been so many sharings that help me bring my life to the Lord in solitude without a mask and accept what is there/HERE!
   With continued prayers for all of you. Thank you for helping me on my path. Brynn, you really are devoting a lot time with not only your leadership here but your support and I know I speak for not only myself when I say that it is appreciated. It is amazing that without (participating) — as I didn’t get the book that I am getting Spiritual Direction through so many of you!!! Rose

10. Patricia Blomeley-Maddigan:
    March 5th, 2010 @ 9:46 pm

    The reference that we as Christians are not meant to appear in control of our lives brings me into a place of introspection. That maybe it does not so much matter if we appear to others as not in control, but rather that I need to be known that as much in control I appear to be - to myself - I truly am not, the Lord is. It reminds me of that rather glib, yet catchy phrase: “We make plans…. and God laughs”. How true that feels.

    With respect to the question: “Does this idea of an irrelevant, vulnerable leader imply someone who is weak, wimpy or a push-over? If not, where does the irrelevant Christian leader’s confidence come from?”

    For me, whose natural leadership style is one of quiet, openness; I do believe that at times I am seen as weaker than I might be, more of a push-over if you will, but it is in those moments - when I am really me - that my confidence comes from the Holy Spirit, and the power of the Lord. When I appear stronger - or at least LOUDER - that may not be 100% me. I am very seldom called upon to be as Jesus was with the money lenders in the temple. I don’t do well at turning tables upside down and telling people to get out. I have done it, but when I have, it has been 100% God speaking - because it is so “not me”.

    I do believe that as leaders we are sometimes called to step outside our comfort zone - but when I do, man, am I holding tight to Jesus’ sleeve!!

    Patricia

11. Patricia Blomeley-Maddigan:
    March 5th, 2010 @ 9:08 pm

    Note to Ray (#23) - Thank you for the cut and paste tip - I will put it in place immediately!

    Patricia

12. Julie:
    March 5th, 2010 @ 6:01 pm

    The title of this chapter speaks much to me. In reading and pondering Brynn’s discussion questions with shared comments I recognize my own longing for relevance in lots of ways. I admit I have a tendency to compare myself to others, trying to be efficient and DO something ’significant’. Confessing these insights about myself makes me vulnerable to God - I tell Him how much I don’t like to be vulnerable to other people (I do this by bringing up ‘wounds’ I experience in community.) The ‘result’ then of the honesty in contemplation and waiting on God’s Word is praying forgiveness- forgiving myself for wanting acknowledgement and acceptance and forgiving others who just don’t ‘hear what I hear’. My prayer becomes that of love for them- enfolding, embracing love of Jesus with compassion He must have felt when He looked out over Jerusalem, recognized the despair Henri speaks of, and longed for them to come to Him. (Luke 13: 34)

    Brynn’s questions 6/ 7 & 8 go together for me. As several other members here have shared, how I speak to despair; bring hope begins with; from my own relationship with Christ. From contemplating His Words and how He lived I get a vision of others in Jesus’ light. More often I am becoming deeply aware of despair (and the myriad of ways it is expressed, addressed and suppressed in our world). Knowing Jesus and learning to trust him more no matter what, has given me a strange way of ’seeing’ and imagining what God’s love ‘could’ be for a person in front of me. That becomes my prayer. This helps my days at work at the hospital when I am with someone dealing with a serious medical condition. I think it could also help when I deal with a rude driver on my commute to work!

    I think the answer to the last question about whether irrelevancy and vulnerability in leadership implies weakness is YES from the standpoint of what the ‘world’ is looking for and usually sees. I think that is in the attitude of many in the ‘Church’. Humility is NOT popular and doesn’t influence and draw people in the culture I live in to go to church or to want to know God. I agree with Henri though that new Christian leadership is very different than what the world teaches. I want to be one, as he proposes, in which my unadorned self is “completely vulnerable, open to receive and give love regardless of any accomplishments.” And I know only God’s active grace in my life can truly bring that to be

13. Moderator:
    March 5th, 2010 @ 5:24 pm

    Ray, thanks for answering that question. I think it is important and I am glad you answered it directly.

    Bill, to expand upon my comment that a Christian is not meant to appear in control of his/her life… Honestly, I don’t have my head around it either.

    I had that statement written in my Bible for many years. I heard my pastor say it, in talking about 2 Corinthians 12:5-6 and 9-10. Paul says:

    “I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say.”

    “9But [the Lord] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

    Paul had a legitimate reason to boast. He could have maintained a life of strong leadership on his own, and in his control.

    However, that kind of leadership can only impress mankind. When we open ourselves up to God and let him truly lead through us, he will work in us and through us, but we may not appear as neat and in control, as we would like. He will be glorified through it. Other people won’t see us as in control of our lives, they will see our daily dependence on Jesus.

    I think we will find our conversation comes back to this in section III of the book: From leading to being led.

    Here in Toronto, there is a beautiful weekend ahead. Wherever you are I hope you enjoy the moments that God brings your way!

    More comments/reflections welcome, always!

    Brynn

14. Ray Glennon:
    March 4th, 2010 @ 11:24 pm

    I don’t recall seeing any comments on Brynn’s question 9 asking whether being an irrelevant, vulnerable leader implies someone who is weak, wimpy or a push-over, if not, wondering where does the irrelevant Christian leader’s confidence come from.

    It is Oscar weekend and, for me, an outstanding example of an irrelevant, yet confident Christian leader is found in the Academy award-winning film Chariots of Fire (Best Picture, 1981). Based on a true story, one of the two main characters is Eric Liddell, the son of a Scottish missionary who was born in China and, after winning a gold medal in 400 meters and a bronze medal in the 200 meters at the 1924 Paris Olympics, returned to China as a missionary where he died in a Japanese internment camp in 1945.

    In the movie, Liddell is portrayed speaking to a group of fans after he has just won an important race. He is an athletic hero—and, more important, an irrelevant Christian leader. Liddell calls on the members of that group, and each of us, to become a Christian leader and he tells us, very clearly, where a Christian leaders confidence comes from.

    Here is what Eric Liddell had to say:

    “You came to see a race today, to see someone win. It happened to be me. (Laughter) But I want you to do more than just watch a race. I want you to take part in it. I want to compare faith to running in a race. It’s hard… It requires concentration of will, energy of soul. You experience elation when the winner breaks the tape; especially if you’ve got a bet on it. (Laughter)
    But how long does that last? You go home. Maybe your dinner is burnt. Maybe you haven’t got a job. So who am I to say, “believe…have faith” in the face of life’s realities?

    I would like to give you something more permanent. But I can only point the way. I have no formula for winning the race. Everyone runs in her own way, or his own way.

    Where does the power come from to see the race to its end? From within. Jesus said, “…Behold the kingdom of God is within (among) you.” (Luke 17:21) If with all your hearts you truly seek me, you shall ever surely find me. (Luke 11: 9-10)
    If you commit yourself to the love of Christ… Then that is how you run a straight race.

15. Michelle:
    March 4th, 2010 @ 7:09 pm

    Sue #2 and Char #14, you both wrote about “emptying”. I wanted to share that during my time spent in prayer with God this is what I hear from him over and over. I’ve needed to be emptied of so much in order to be able to hear the truth - and the more I let go of, the more empty I become, the freer I feel and the more room there is for God’s peace. Thank-you for helping me to reframe it in this way.

16. Moderator:
    March 4th, 2010 @ 6:36 pm

    First of all, welcome Patricia! Thanks for jumping in. I extend a welcome to everyone, it is not too late to join us.

    Bill, I am happy to talk a bit more about the comment “Christians we are not meant to appear in control of our lives” … but I need my Bible to do it (which is at home and I am not, so I’ll get back to it).

    I was reflecting a little bit about Cindy’s comment that people seem to be impressed when we present our competent, organized, efficient, in control identity. It is true. But although people are impressed by this image, and we usually respect people who “have it all together,” we don’t usually feel safe, relaxed or ourselves around them.

    Take this beautiful online community as an example. Somewhere near the beginning you all started sharing from your heart. Often from vulnerable parts of your life experience. I am so encouraged when I read what you have to say. I can identify with those vulnerable experiences, and I feel infused with hope when I hear that God is or has walked you through them, to a place of new life and new hope. My experiences as a human being, and Christian leader are validated. I also feel that you have chosen well what to share and how to share it.

    Mirjam articulated that in fact Christ came in this vulnerable state in order to relate to us. Of course, that is how we can relate to others.

    All that being said, there are also varying levels of vulnerability. I also appreciate the wisdom Mirjam shared in being wise about who you are deeply vulnerable with. The very nature of vulnerability means you are open to being hurt. Choose wisely who you entrust that responsibility to.

    But, as I say, I think everyone is sharing from a healthy level personal experience, and I for one greatly appreciate it! Thank you!

    Brynn

17. Ray Glennon:
    March 4th, 2010 @ 4:28 pm

    Quick comment to Patricia #19 about losing comments into cyberspace. Write the comments in your email or word processing program and then cut and paste them into the Comment box on this site. This technique saved me earlier today.

    Ray

18. Patricia Blomeley-Maddigan:
    March 4th, 2010 @ 3:41 pm

    In re-reading everyone’s comments, I was further struck by the Moderator’s question: “Do you know the Incarnate God?”

    Sometimes I get so caught up in Jesus as Friend and Brother, I almost forget that He is GOD - that He is the All Powerful God - who I can turn to in my greatest needs, from the very depths of my heart and soul. And HOW WONDERFUL that truly is!

    And Mirjam, what you said in #20 was so awesome - Jesus does more than understand our pain: He names our pain for us, helps us identify and accept it, forgives our sins, and then, as you said, does something even more - He gives us a next step!!! He helps us move forward. Thank you for bringing that point so clear to me - so clearly something I needed to know right now. He gives us a next step. WOW!

    Namaste,
    Patricia

19. Ray Glennon:
    March 4th, 2010 @ 3:33 pm

    When Henri Nouwen describes his relevant self he writes of doing, showing, proving, and building “things;” Nouwen’s unadorned self is “…completely vulnerable, open to receive and give love regardless of any accomplishments.” The difference between these selves is striking. The relevant self seeks happiness and peace by acquiring the “things” of the world, including material goods, accomplishments, influence, and recognition. The unadorned self seeks happiness by opening itself to the love of God. Our relevant self is a reflection of what we have; our unadorned self is truly who we are and recognizes that, as St. Augustine wrote, “You have made us for yourself and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

    This leads directly to what Nouwen calls “the great message.” He writes, “…God loves us not because of what we do or accomplish, but because God has created and redeemed us in love and has chosen us to proclaim that love as the true source of all human life.”

    God chose us to proclaim his love. Think about that for a minute. Read it slowly again: God chose us to proclaim his love. Is there any more awesome and humbling responsibility?

    To the “world” I am a successful, well known, VP of an aviation industry organization located in Washington, D.C. where I have the opportunity to influence the future of aviation. How does that help me to proclaim God’s love? It doesn’t. But I am also a man who knows, deeply and personally, the pain and loneliness of failed “second love” (as described by Nouwen) and the healing power of Jesus. In my unadorned self, I truly know that God loves me and that Jesus is alive and at work in the world through his Holy Spirit—and that is a tremendous gift from God and a comfort to me.

    Now, here is the hard part. Am I living up to my responsibility to proclaim God’s love? Am I more like the servant who took his Master’s five talents and doubled them or am I like the servant who dug a hole in the ground and buried them? (Matthew 25: 14-30). God knows–and I know I need to do more for my teen age and young adult sons.

    In reflecting on this reading, I was drawn to the first letter of John: Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love. In this way the love of God was revealed to us: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him. In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another. We have come to know and to believe in the love God has for us. God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him. (1 John 4 7-11, 16)

20. Mirjam Hieber:
    March 4th, 2010 @ 5:50 am

    Thank you for all you shared. It encourages me to share as well. Thank you Brynn for the things you wrote. They touched me.

    Identity – I’ve been hiding behind friendliness, jokes or quietness depending on who it was I had to hide from. My true identity was not clear to me. I believe when early in life I get the message that my identity is not acceptable then I will learn to hide it - even so well that it is hard for my self to find it without help. The sad thing is that one of my deepest beliefs was that my identity wasn’t right in God’s eyes. My long journey had to begin in God showing me who He is not. When I learned more and more about who God is, about His unconditional love and acceptance I was willing to trust and take His hand and explore my identity together with Him. In finding my true identity more and more in God’s love I feel His affirmation and assurance in my heart. The knowledge in my heart is growing that I have permission to be who I am and that I never was asked by God to be what I am not.

    It is necessary that a leader shares God’s message this vulnerable way because that was the way God chose. God became human in Jesus so humans can relate to him. He did not become a politician, a king, a rich or famous person but a person who identified with the poor and broken so that they could relate to him. He suffered all kinds of things so that He is the only one who could say to every person on earth: ‘I know how you feel! I know your personal brokenness! I understand your pain!’
    When I am in any kind of pain there is nothing as helpful as someone who understands and respects my pain. It helps me to embrace it and decide to do something about is other than trying to stay away from it.
    Jesus always did and does more than understand. He asked good questions. He told people that their sins were forgiven. He told people a next step like ‘get up’. It was His willingness to suffer and the suffering that gave His words and deeds weight.
    And then Jesus said: ‘As the Father sent me so I send you.’

    In the past I often made my self vulnerable to people – not so much to groups though. But I found that sometimes I gave too much and felt robbed at the end. I realized that I was being vulnerable so I might gain friendship or a deeper relationship… So I did have an agenda. Often that did not work. In these last few years I have stopped doing this. I had to learn that being vulnerable is right when it is done in the name of Jesus and when Jesus asks me to be vulnerable in a certain moment. But when I try to be vulnerable in order to get something out of it then I might harm others and definitely my self.
    So I’m trying to learn also in my being vulnerable to listen to God’s voice when is the time and when it is not the time to be vulnerable and see what He’ll do with it then.
    For that it is very important that I stay close to my own heart and with that close to Jesus who lives in me. I need to hear Him!
    God’s blessing to you all

21. Patricia Blomeley-Maddigan:
    March 4th, 2010 @ 1:43 am

    For the second time tonight, I have lost my comments into cyberspace. God is truly testing my patience.

    You as readers are fortunate - my words get briefer each time! New to this group, I have spent the past 24 hours catching up and I thank everyone for truly touching my heart with your words and insights.

    I live in Burlington, Ontario, Canada - about one hour west of Toronto. I would call myself an Ecumenical Catholic, and an avid Henri Nouwen fan.

    The identity I usually hide behind was stripped from me last November when I began a medical leave. God smacked me in the head and has high hopes I will now listen to Him. I would like to say he gently tapped me on the shoulder, but no, he smacked me on the head! Whatever works, I guess!!

    My true identity is found by being a Child of God, one who’s open vulnerability allows God to speak to and through me. A vulnerability that leaves me and my “abilities” irrelevant.

    This is necessary if I am to be open to my calling as a Servant of the Lord - called not to be served, but to serve.

    The deep current of despair in me is when I am not true to that Servant call; when my contemplative prayer is feeble or non-existent; when I try to be who the world thinks I should be - not who God has called me to be.

    Everyone feels this current of despair at some time in their life, as a Servant Leader I believe my call is to be present to others in their times of despair - not always trying to fix it, but to be present. As Judy (#5) so aptly stated, offering others our undistracted presence. What a beautiful statement.

    Consistent contemplative prayer will bring us closer to God’s will for us - God’s desire for us - as we grow stronger in the skill, (because that is what it is - skill), of listening to Him.

    The irrelevant Christian leader’s skill, strength, and gift, will need to come from a close relationship with Jesus - as Friend, Brother, Saviour, and Lord.

    Namaste,
    Patricia

22. Michelle:
    March 3rd, 2010 @ 11:01 pm

    Thanks Brynn for your understanding and encouragement in your comment to me last week. Over 20 years ago while heavily pregnant I spent a few days in an acute psych ward because I wasn’t wanting to live. At first I was afraid of the strange behaviour of the other patients but they ended up overwhelming me with their attentiveness to compassion and love. Like Henri’s experiences with people with disabilities these people related to me from a very different place from what I was used to. It was a profound experience for me to be cared for so deeply by strangers who were themselves so very broken. Looking back now, in the light of reading this book I realise that they were very focussed on the present moment and were responding on a purely heart level. Which brings me to Judy and Maureen’s posts, which highlight this way for us to really be there for each other - in a way that is truly about heart speaking to heart. I have been fortunate to have been given the gift of being able be with others in the way Henri described in Maureen’s post and know that doing so has made a difference in the lives of others. One friend said to me once “Michelle, no matter what terrible things I say, no matter how strongly I express my feelings you just continue to look at me with love”. Although I am pleased to be able to be able to have given in this way I have sometimes been resentful when my need for the same support (which I don’t often acknowledge) has not been forthcoming from others. Also, on some level I think my identity was tied up with being the giver. Perhaps I didn’t feel worthy to receive the same from others or God and was even unable to give in the same way towards myself. The blessing in the aloneness I have experienced throughout my life is that it has brought me closer to God - in the end I had no where else to turn or no where else to hide. I had to learn to accept His love for me. Now I hope to be able to give just by being who I am, centred in my love for Christ but also in my acceptance of his love for me which brings me such peace. Having said all this your comments, Brynn (#11), articulate the conclusions I myself have drawn from my experiences, so very well - so thank you. I particularly like “Begin by dwelling in the presence of God”. I could not have arrived at the peace I now feel most of the time without having spent so much time with Him in solitude. I hope I’ve made sense -my fuzzy brain is still having some trouble this week!

23. Cindy:
    March 3rd, 2010 @ 10:34 pm

    Being vulnerable has meant to me being inadequate. The identity I hide behide is being competent, organized and educated. People seem to be impressed when you show this side of yourself to the world. This section in the book talked a lot about unconditional love. The “first love” that is from Jesus. I was well into my 30’s before I ever experienced the unconditional love of God. I didn’t know what it meant to experience love that didn’t have conditions. My experiences as a child and growing up the message was always you can do better, you aren’t lovable the way you are. I know this directly relates to the difficulties I have had in just being open to letting others hear about my frailities. Thank goodness that I finally did get that God loves me just as I am. I think many people today think they have to get themselves together before they can be used by God. How many people never jump into what God shows them because they are afraid of rejection, failure and not being loved? Unfortunately the church is the worst example of this. It seems that church protocols gain importance over encouraging the body to be what they are or to encourage them to be what God sees.
    Cindy

24. Bill Horlick:
    March 3rd, 2010 @ 8:49 pm

    Moderator: This morning you stated that as Christians we are not meant to appear to be in control of our lives. I can’t get my head around that statement yet I feel I should. Would you expound on this,please. Thanks

25. Piet Hanemaaijer:
    March 3rd, 2010 @ 5:32 pm

    This time I will answer the questions one by one.
    1) Under my certainty, my concern to people, there is uncertainty, anxiousness and loneliness. Sometimes even despair. I believe that both sides, the hidden and not-hidden, are true sides of me.
    2)I think that our true identity is known by God.We have limited sight on it. Our true identity is being cleared up in prayer and contemplation.
    3) Because in our vulnerable self there is a possibility to connect with God and Jesus. With empty hands we can receive God’s message.
    4)That we are the beloved children of God and starting from this message to live with ourselves, others and the world. By trial and error.
    5)In despair we (I) think that there is no mutual understanding, that we are hand over to ourselves, go round in inner circles.
    6)By knowing the heart of God as He became human in Jesus. Jesus opened our eyes for Gods first love. In moments I see the truth of this.
    7)By practising prayer and contemplation, alone and together with other people.
    8)Results for me:
    - Getting insight in myself
    - Actual confess my guilt
    - In the presence of God I can express my grief
    (crying)
    - It opened me for other people
    - After disappointment and confusion: seeing
    again connection between things in and around
    me.

26. Char Pachniak:
    March 3rd, 2010 @ 4:48 pm

    So much comes to mind as I read everyone’s posts. A different meditation I read this morning talked about becoming an empty no-thing to become a some-thing. That spoke to me as everyone here does and Henri’s book ~ particularly what his MANY accomplishments (and they WERE MANY) might have been in the ‘outside’ world meant nothing to those at L’Arche. It is so easy to create our identity with our accomplishments ~ but when we let that all go and we become nothing ~ so much becomes possible as we accept God’s word into our life. A few years ago, I would not have dreamt of participating in a disussion such as this. Yet everyday after asking for God’s guidance and sitting down at my computer to read the day’s postings to the numerous on line discussions I am a part of, I become excited about the possibilities that lie ahead for me.

    As I do my job search, my resume used to be MANY pages long ~ feeling I needed to list those many accomplishments, but now I trust God that as I interview the basic information is the fundamentals that help me know I will find that opportunity to use my talents as God has planned.

27. Phillip:
    March 3rd, 2010 @ 2:41 pm

    Are we conditioned as a society based on fear and consumption?
    For me, growing up was about doing chores, making good grades, making the team, and doing the right thing. I attended church, but an identity never crossed my mind as a teen or any concept of who Jesus was, much less how to follow him…
    It wasn’t until a few years ago that I really began to understand anything about God or even want to be a Christian.
    Now my life is about taking care of a family, meeting payrolls, getting orders, making furniture, collecting money, meeting dead lines, and making customers happy!
    There is a lot of stress, fear, and anxiety that comes with and through my weekly routine. Being blessed to have a career and being self-employed doesn’t mean that my stress is any more or less than anyone else’s.
    My identity can get lost in many places when I am not focusing on Jesus, family, prayer, or others.

    At times, I question myself about how I am teaching my kids to navigate in this world with so many counter-influences, and in helping them discover their identities and the need to follow a loving Christ.

    I share with Katy the passion of ministering to teens and tweens at my church and it’s really been a blessing for me.
    It’s easy to get off course and push away from God and end up in exile or as Henri says the “Old Country.”

    All your comments are greatly appreciated and a part of the grace that makes my journey that much easier.
    Let’s stay disciplined Together and remember what Paul preached to the Thessalonians about “Perseverance.”

    Have a great evening!

28. Moderator:
    March 3rd, 2010 @ 10:07 am

    Phillip, your story reminded me of an experience I had last year.

    Last year I was living in the same house as a family that had recently arrived from Iraq. The mother had innocently put a bag of household garbage in a trash bin in the local park. There is a sign on the bin that says “no dumping.” She doesn’t read English, nor would she have understood what that meant.

    She received a $350 ticket for her offense. That evening she showed me the ticket, and was immensely stressed out. First of all she didn’t know why she had gotten in such trouble, and second of all she had no money to pay such a fine. I assured her that we would sort it out. I was confident that with a little explanation her innocence in the matter would absolve her of the responsibility to pay the ticket. I asked her to trust me and not worry about it. She couldn’t not worry, and she passed many sleepless nights and stressed out days, until we could arrange the appointment to sort it out.

    I just wish I could convince her to trust me, and to let go of the anxiety. She was wasting her energy and harming herself for no reason. I had promised her it would all work out okay.

    How many times do I spend hours and days in anxiety or fear about something that might happen in my life, when God has said to me “Brynn, let the peace of Christ rule in your heart… you were called to peace. And be thankful” Col 3:15

29. Moderator:
    March 3rd, 2010 @ 9:51 am

    I’ve really enjoyed reading these comments this morning. I can identify with so many reflections here.

    Personally I often hide behind the leadership qualities of being organized, prepared, doesn’t disappoint.

    I appreciate this challenge Nouwen gives us to stand in the world with nothing to offer but my own vulnerable self. As Christians we are not meant to appear in control of our lives, we are meant to live a live that demonstrates a true need for Christ, and a reliance on His strength. I believe He is strong, and there is great and wonderful things he can do through us.

    By living a life with nothing to offer except being at home and at peace, and alive in Christ we live a message that is much needed in our success driven world: “God has placed something in you that is truly enjoyable and it is completely separate from your competence” (John Eldredge … I think)

    As Paul(#8) touched on above, a Christian leader who walks in Christ’s love can have great confidence. Our confidence comes from asking ourselves “Are you in love with Jesus? Do you know the incarnate God?” My goodness, if the answer is yes, you have a great deal to share! You know the incarnate God? Have confidence - you have a treasure that is most needed by the hearts around you.

    How do we share God well in this secular world? Begin by dwelling in the presence of God. Then live in the world with the knowledge of Jesus’ heart and “we cannot do other than bring healing, reconciliation, new life and hope wherever we go” (Nouwen).

    What a wonderful task we have been given!

30. Judy:
    March 3rd, 2010 @ 8:05 am

    Jen,
    Your comment touched me. Your scriptural quotation and your comments about ministry allowed me to quiet my soul on a day that promises to be hectic.

31. Jen:
    March 2nd, 2010 @ 3:34 pm

    1) I appreciated Katy (post #6)’s response to this question. I, too, often hide behind that same kind of identity: “strength, charisma, humor, and ironically leadership.” I’d probably add to that, “spiritual gifts.” I think it’s easy for me to hide behind this identity not only in relating to others, but in relating to God, as well. I often begin to believe that God sees me as that false identity and that I have inherent worth because of it.

    3 and I find that contemplative prayer disciplines quiet my soul. It reminds me of Psalm 131, “Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty. Neither do I concern myself with great matters, nor with things too profound for me. Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.” When my soul is quiet before God, I find that the clamoring and demanding for God to love me the way I want to be loved is silenced, and I can receive instead his love for me the way he chooses to give it.

    And then I am reminded that at the very core of my motivations and sense of calling in ministry, it was never that I had really believed I had so much to offer the urban poor among whom I minister; it was always that I believed God was at work among the despised and forgotten of this world, and I desperately wanted to be wherever he was at work, to experience him in the depth of my own poverty of spirit.

32. Paul:
    March 2nd, 2010 @ 9:09 am

    I jumped from the second set of questions to the last. Be careful of “having nothing to offer”. Contemplative prayer will take you to the heart of so many things going on in life. From that, you have something - BIG - to offer. If it is offered humbly, you may be listened to. If you have nothing to offer, you wont be listened to. You’ll truly be irrelevant.

33. Maureen:
    March 2nd, 2010 @ 9:06 am

    Dear Judy, (post #5)

    Your comment really touched my heart and reminded me of a passage in Henri’s “Out of Solitude”:
    “When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.”

    Many blessings,
    Maureen
    Henri Nouwen Society

34. Katy:
    March 1st, 2010 @ 10:36 pm

    1) the identity I hide behind: strength, charisma, humor, and ironically leadership

    3) Tonight I had nothing to offer but my vulnerable self in front of about 30 high school students. And from the past 3 weeks of leading small group studies, meeting with students, etc with this idea in mind, I realized I really honestly have absolutely nothing to offer but my vulnerable self, and it works, this is what is needed.

    Nouwen is right, this is the necessary way of sharing God’s message. I told the students about a time I second guessed God’s love when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, but how he showed me he was there the whole time (www.kniles.blogspot.com look for post titled Compassion & Cancer). I was real, honest, and vulnerable tonight. Afterwards, we split into groups to talk. And a student shared how her mom is dealing with sickness, and the student feels alone and is just waiting for God to give her a “phone call” to let her know He’s there, that he cares. She had tears in her eyes, and I had them in mine.

    Afterwards, I had the chance to talk to her, and say, “I think tonight is your phone call. God is here. I didn’t even want to share my story tonight because it’s hard for me. But last week, God told me someone needed to hear this. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think He wanted you to hear this so you could know He’s right here with you, He wants to share in your pain.”

    All I did was offer my vulnerable self despite everything inside me begging me not to (for fear of no one understanding, fear of breaking down in front of students, fear of feeling the pain from all that has happened, etc). And it struck that “deep current of despair” within this student’s heart where she questioned, “Is there anybody who loves me; is there anyone who really cares?”

    I hope tonight she goes home realizing God is whispering her name, wanting to love her.

35. Judy Mohan:
    March 1st, 2010 @ 8:16 pm

    I find Nouwen’s words very challenging. I am so very accustomed to applying my skills to challenges. I have often been rewarded with praise when I “solve a problem.” And yet I remember when my mother was ill and we had just met with the hospice nurses: I was busily making a “treatment plan” when my mother looked me in the eye and said, “You know, you can’t fix this.” It was a life-changing moment because I had to recognize that spending time with my mom and holding her hand was the best thing I could do. This Lent I find that I am reminding myself that the best gift I can give to others is my undistracted presence.

36. Katy:
    March 1st, 2010 @ 7:14 pm

    About to offer nothing but my vulnerable self to 30-50 high school students through sharing a story about a time I was second guessing God’s love. Hopefully I’ll return with discussion and some insight. I’ll post the story with my discussion.

37. Robert C Smith:
    March 1st, 2010 @ 3:04 pm

    I was completely impressed with Henri’s writing how all his marvelous experience, credentials, writings, lectures were to no avail with the L’Arche community of handicapped people. He had to develop a “new him” for this environment and people who did not understand nor were impressed. He states we all must develop an innerself with a fixation on love of Jesus and then reach out to comfort and teach and care for others, especially those with little or nothing and love with no limits. Overcoming depression and loneliness especially in the priesthood and ministry is very difiicult and is hard when the community does not follow nor appreciate all your efforts. He writes with toughness and clarity and returns often to the gospels to reach our hearts. It is obvious he is a tender and kindhearted man.

38. Sue:
    March 1st, 2010 @ 8:46 am

    I just received my book so am glad I can now participate. I felt there was alot packed into a small segment in ‘From Relevance to Prayer’. The vulnerability, I think, is the need for emptying of anything which can hinder the ability to love as Jesus did. In relating with others I believe our challenge is - not what we have achieved, who our family is, what titles we may hold - but to love ‘just because’. I was interested in the comments about ‘church’. I think the church has faced the same difficulties we have and do as individuals - the structures, liturgies, relationship issues - and thus, has had difficulty with getting the message of Jesus’ love heard as the central significance of church. The words ‘fill the gaps’ and ‘zero’ also struck me in my reading. I have found myself saying, ‘I feel like a zero’ and can acknowledge that I think I have used ‘God, the church, and the minister …to fill the gaps of incompetence’. Thankfully, I realize the need for emptying of all that interferes with allowing the light of Jesus’ love to permeate all of who I am and how I am.

39. Phillip:
    March 1st, 2010 @ 7:55 am

    Yesterday, at church we had a guest speaker in to kick off a three day preaching\teaching conference and his sermon was on this very subject.
    He told a story about when he was young and borrowed a friend’s bike and retuned it broken without telling him.
    He was filled with fear and anxiety that he was going to get a call at home during dinner and his parents would find out. The next day at school he was in fear of a beating at recess from his friend.

    They met on the playground and he said, I’m sorry I broke your bike and the friend said, it’s OK, my brother noticed it was broken and fixed it!
    We’re already fixed was his point in the sermon.
    During the sermon, on all the screens, there was a pictue of Picasso’s “Guernica” and written underneath was, “It’s hard to hear the word if your living in exile.”
    I believe this is what Henri realized fully at Daybreak.

    “The great message that we have to carry as ministers of God’s word and followers of Jesus, is that God loves us not because of what we do or accomplish, but because God has created and redeemed us in love and has chosen us to proclaim that love as the true source of all human life.” More to come!

    Have a great day+++

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