Week Two: Thursday, October 8: Chapter 3: Our Security Base (p. 11-15)
In the first chapter Henri introduced us to the concept of fund-raising as a spiritual act—a process that nurtures the souls and lives of people. It is, in Henri’s eyes, an act that brings us together as a community undertaking the joyful task of serving as a vessel for enabling us to do God’s work. In chapter 2 he then leads us into a discussion of the power of the mustard seed—and the joy that comes from seeing “small things” and “small acts” grow!
In chapter 3, Henri takes us in a different direction. He leads us into a place many people don’t like to go. It is significant that this very important chapter starts out with a very powerful statement: “Those of us who ask for money need to look carefully at ourselves. The question is not how to get money. Rather, the question is about our relationship with money. We will never be able to ask for money if we do not know how we ourselves relate to money.”
So let’s spend the next few days on the following questions:
1) “What is our relationship with money?”
2) “How does our own personal relationship with money impact on our ability to fully live out the concept of ‘Fund-Raising as Ministry’?”
If joining the discussion for the first time, welcome! Please also go to the “Getting Started—About You” section (below) and provide a brief bit of information about yourself—where you are from, what you feel called to do, etc. In this same section you will have an opportunity to learn about the rest of us “at the table”. With many states—and at least six different countries—represented, we are a very diverse group . . . of very interesting people!
- Henry
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October 21st, 2009 @ 4:30 pm
One of the powerful messages about money (and fundraising) that I received growing up came from my father. He was fairly well off, but never gave significant sized donations to any organization. He used to react with annoyance to the dozens of fundraising letters that came to him from various charities. He’d give a token donation ($10 or $25) out of a sense of guilt or obligation, but then he’d complain that doing so was only going to get his name on other mailing lists and bring in more requests for donations. There was seriously no joy in his giving. As a young adult, I too would get annoyed by fundraising letters, especially the whiny nagging ones that went on and on for pages with multiple bold-faced parts to get my attention (which didn’t help — it only made me more likely to ignore them). It wasn’t until I first experienced a different kind of fundraising (relational) from the receiving end that I learned there could be another way. It has been much more satisfying as a donor, and I give more than I ever used to, when it involves relationships.
I also had the opportunity to participate in one of the Ministry of Money workshops when Don McClanen was still involved. It was a privilege to get to know him. I know he was an influence on Henri. Part of our preparation for that workshop was writing up our “money autobiography” which is one of the most significant things I’ve ever done. The brochure about how to write your money autobiography was up on Ministry of Money’s website, which is currently under construction since they’ve become the Faith and Money Network. But you can still see a cached copy of it on Google http://docs.google.com/gview?a=v&q=cache:QHSrkIPXa9MJ:www.ministryofmoney.org/autobio.pdf+%22money+autobiography%22+filetype:pdf&hl=en&sig=AFQjCNFoOCiUEah6ouTw50quN233BG3QfQ
October 13th, 2009 @ 4:35 pm
Char–Thanks for sharing your story. “I have much less and share much more”…………My guess is that many of us have had some experience–at some point in our lives–were we have experienced “having less and sharing more”.
Any thoughts from others?
October 13th, 2009 @ 3:04 pm
I don’t have my copy of the book yet; but have SO enjoyed the reflections of everyone. I have a personal story to share relating to money. I too was told money doesn’t grow on trees by parents that tried to survive through the depression–and did! I was one of those people who always wanted more money, more power, more recognition. In the last 16 months as I’ve been on a search for a new job, the search has taken me SO MUCH deeper. I have much less and share much more and it has come back to me many times over. Currently, working (as a volunteer) with two projects as I do their fund development I am told that my passion is much more evident than ever before. That has led to making those relationships with donors even more rewarding as they have shared their financial gifts to further the work that I am committed to. When we are grateful for what we have been given, we are much more ‘real’ to those donors we communicate with.
October 12th, 2009 @ 6:00 am
Rose–Thank you for the suggested Bible reading–and the affirmation that my memory was not deceiving me. If I get the chance to go back through several boxes in my attic, I think I will be able to find my original copy of With Open Hands…….But if I can’t, I will be in touch.
Let’s do read Mark 10:20-30 and see where it leads our discussion. Thanks Rose!
October 11th, 2009 @ 6:18 pm
Wow - there is so much to absorb from the depth of all the above sharings.
I feel compelled to suggest a Bible Reading Mark 10:20-30 (as it was the Gospel in the RC church today), and it deals with Jesus telling the rich man that it is wonderful he kept the commandments but now do more and GIVE AWAY …..
Henry: RE WITH OPEN HANDS
Yes, you are correct - the version I have (1992) >> does have the open hands and I brought it on a retreat that year and it was that picture that gave me the most meditation. The newer version is more foresty and a different size too as well as only having a couple of pictures inside compared to the first version with great graphics. This might have had something to do with the fact the photographer only gave rights for a certain amount of time. IF YOU NEED OR WANT A PHOTOCOPY OF THE COVER and autographed page … I will be happy to get it to you if you email me. I bought 2 of the new copies as gifts and included the old cover and autographed copy with it; both recipients love Henri and were happier over the copy than the book I think
I had a side thought …. the generation of the depression had no extra money, then in the last 40 years the next generation, many middle class could put some “away” for emergency or retirement but then up until a year or two ago, the current generation of first time full time employees are spending every cent and never have any either. It appears to me that relationship to money is similar to relationship to technology …. it didn’t exist - thus not a problem. Sorry I took us off track!
October 11th, 2009 @ 3:14 pm
Jim–Thank you for sharing your story. Having known Gordon Cosby for many years–and worked around the edges of the Ministry of Money–I have heard similar stories from others who have participated in their retreats. It is, in many ways, a small world in that Henri Nouwen, Gordon Cosby, and the Ministry of Money crossed paths many times over the years. My guess is that virtually all of us (like you) are “still stuck in some ways” when it comes to money……I know for me one of the hardest things is simply finding “balance” when it comes to my “financial life”.
October 11th, 2009 @ 9:42 am
My relationship with money has been complex to say the least.
–My parents were married during the depth of the Depression and it affected them for the rest of their lives. My mother had come from a wealthy family which lost all of its “riches” in the crash. For her money and security were synonymous.
–My father was an investment banker virtually all his life. In essence he made money by trading money.
–I decided I would break away from all of that and ultimately became a CFO as that was where I seemed to have some real talent. Some break away.
–My wife, Wendy, and I didn’t think much about sharing our money in the first couple of decades of our married life. We knew we should give to those who were less fortunate and so we made a lot of little gifts, hardly sacrificial giving.
–Then we decided that money had us as opposed to we had money and we participated in a Ministry of Money retreat. Gordon Cosby was relentless but we were most struck by Killian Noe who somehow brought a more gentle, yet no less profound, perspective to our search for an “authentic” relationship with money. That retreat was a turning point for us and has profoundly affected our money behavior and sometimes even our attitudes as well. It also turned us into people asking for money as well as those who gave money which was really unanticipated.
–Frankly, I thought I was in a pretty healthy place vis a vis money until the last couple of years. What has struck me is that having our financial net worth go down really worried me although is was clear that we were not in any trouble. The worry was not about Wendy and myself but about our children and grandchildren and my financial “responsibility” to them.
–The bad news is that I am still stuck in some ways. The good news is, thanks to the Ministry of Money retreat, my “stuckness” is less of a pitched battle and is more like a faithful encounter.
October 11th, 2009 @ 6:51 am
Thank you Rose, Della, and Sharon for sharing about your early experiences with money……Experiences that, for many of us, continue to influence our approach to money on so many levels–when we have it; when we “ask for it”; and, in turn, when we give it away.
After reading each of your reflections, I went on-line to Amazon to try to locate the cover photo to Henri’s book “With Open Hands”. If I remember correctly (and Maureen you may be able to help me out here!) the cover photo was a “two open hands”. More recent editions (based on what I saw on Amazon) no longer uses this wonderful cover photo of “two open hands”.
Why do I mention this? The reason is that those “two hands” (which I first saw at least 30+ years ago when I first got to know Henri)in many ways are a “symbolic metaphor” for one of the ways we might approach money–a way that, I believe, reflects the words of wisdom regarding money, fundraising, our security base,etc. in Henri’s book.
The symbolism of these “two open hands” conveys, for me, the message that “what we have is to be shared” openingly and, in some sense, “vulnerably”. Whatever is in “those unclinched hands” is available both to ourselves and to others. Whatever is held in unclinched hands is “a gift to be received” both by ourselves and by others.
Standing in stark contrast to Henri’s “open hands” is how many of us were raised………….Della’s history with “money not growing on trees” conveys the underlying message that “you had better keep it–an hold onto it or it will get away”. For others of us, money equals security………….and how many of us what to “give away our security”?
It has been my experience that the simple act of “lifting up to view” our “experience of money” is a first step in each of our individual journeys into loosening its grip on us…….and enabling us to both “enjoy its benefits to us” while also freeing us to “more generously give it away”!
Again, thank you Sharon, Rose, and Della for getting us off to a good start!
October 10th, 2009 @ 7:51 am
Just still working through this chapter. When a person asks for money, for oneself or for another, it can feel like one is giving another power–power to do good or damage, to enhance or limit our self-understanding. Probably wrong perspective, a person asking another person for money should give trust that the person will make the best decision. Giving power shouldn’t be in the equation. To trust God’s working through people must impact the most on our ability to fully live out the concept of “Fund-raising as Ministry.” I guess the topic is money but the broader topic is trust and realize that sometimes we already have set the stage in enhancing or limiting other’s self-understanding too. Breaking that scenario down will lead to more health in the community. It’s a struggle though to deal with these fears. I’m thankful Henri Nouwen felt it important to break the taboo about talking about money. And that you, Henry and Maureen and others, continue the work.
October 9th, 2009 @ 9:37 pm
Reading this chapter has made me reflect: “money has something to do with that intimate place in our heart where we need security, and we do not want to reveal our need or give away our security to someone who, maybe only accidentally, might betray us.” “The pressure in our culture to secure our own future and to control our lives as much as possible does not find support in the Bible. Jesus knows our need for security.” I just love everything that shines a light on the Bible because seems to me that that’s where it’s at. I just hate to ask for money. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever asked for a raise in any job I’ve had. Somehow my needs for housing and food, clothing, etc., have always been provided for nevertheless. On the one hand, that fear to ask for money makes me feel a lot of compassion for those without and who are forced to go to agencies, etc., for their needs for sheer subsistance. But I wonder if my fear is connected to a deeper level of relationship and “identity” and, if I did ask for a raise or for money for something and were to be rejected, that it would feel like my human need had been betrayed by the other into making me “object” and less human than my sense of dignity was requesting. So then, what does that say about when I give money to others? Probably I’ll give money more biblically when I’m able to receive money more biblically. Money does not equate to identity. I think that is biblical and the cultures of the world constantly attempt to get us to assimilate another value into our spirituality. Maybe that’s why talking about money is so taboo, some amount of guilt as to how far some of us have caved in. I wonder if everyone needs freedom from money?
October 9th, 2009 @ 9:11 pm
My parents told me this story about an early experience with money. I don’t remember it, but I have seen the photo. I was probably three, and I had a little purse. Someone evidently decided that I needed some money. I very excitedly counted my “centses” as I called the pennies. Even though I do not remember the event, I experienced joy when I saw the photo and the heard the story. Money was fun and brought me joy.
It am looking forward with interest to hearing others’ stories, and I am looking forward to tracing my own history with money more deeply.
October 9th, 2009 @ 7:06 pm
I will start to break the ice but hope I am not taking it down the wrong path but Henry will get us on a different path then, I’m sure!
MY GROWING UP (hearing) — “What do you think, money grows on trees?” Now I see many smiling as the same record was played in your house. (By the way-that was one line I never repeated) I started working at the age of 13 to make my own spending money and summers to pay my own high school tuition and therefore my relationship with money is that I am very anxious to assist when I see a humble attitude and no “fluff” being wasted. For example: In NYC - the St Francis Breadline has no overhead but there are SOME places that when I check the financial records, I take them off the list as I have been entrusted great responsibilities lately. I love “playing Robin Hood” as we can help local situations and people are very generous when they know there isn’t any overhead and trusted people are leading the endeavor.
October 9th, 2009 @ 5:27 am
Who would like to start the discussion? Do you have an experience to share? Perhaps a situation where you are able to identify how your own “experience with money” (or “how money was talked about when you were growing up”)that influenced your ability to approach a potential donor? Have you ever “said something about your own experience with money” that “opened up” the conversation for another person?