Part Two: Chapter 4 - The Elder Son, pages 53-65
After reading this chapter, can you identify with the elder son in any way? If so, how? Complete the listening and journaling exercises and share any further insights that you had about the elder son in the painting.
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May 23rd, 2009 @ 8:25 am
“Doing from gratitude and not to get gratitude” I like that!
This chapter invites us into one facet of our lives (as Liz says) that is a challenging place to go. Norbert, your sharing seems to be a witness to us that the Spirit is working in your life right now (and in such surprising ways!)
Kim
May 18th, 2009 @ 6:40 pm
I’ve always identified very much with the elder son. I always said to myself that he was right by feeling what he was feeling. It was because I was feeling the same way towards others. The description of resentment being cold anger is an accurate one. I would add: I am not getting what I should be getting because of my goodness. I’ve struggled with these feelings and trying to let go of them for a better part of my life. But I swallow the anger and let it build up inside me.
I had an interesting experience this past week. I prayed for a sign that I loved Jesus. Later on during the day, appointments were cancelled that allowed me to meet this fellow from Québec. His name is Serge. Serge had a rough life, left home, did drugs, spent time in prison, etc., something similar to the Prodigal Son. As I was listening to him, I couldn’t help but think of the Prodigal Son. And here was this man who had done all of these things and who loved Jesus and who knew he was loved by Jesus. And here I was, somebody who had followed the rules all of my life, who had lived community, who had done charitable and social justice work, who had done all the right things; here I was wondering if I loved Jesus. We talked about the parable and I had a sense of peace and love. I still need a lot of work but tonight I saw both sons being held in the bosom of their father and the brothers’ hands on each others’ shoulders. There is hope!
May 16th, 2009 @ 9:50 am
I’m back. The 40th anniversary Gala went really well. Janet and I performed our poet part with grace, poise and joy. It was a blessing to have worked with this cast and director. The story was about two towns, ‘Comfeyville’ and ‘C’est La Vie’. In the former town, everyone was the same & there was no conflict and in the latter town, difference was celebrated and people made up after conflict. I think Henri would have been a resident of ‘C’est La Vie’ and encouraged us all to join him in that town.
After thinking about all this, my preference is to be more like the younger son. So when I found I had some similarities with the older son, it was a little bit disturbing. I have to admit that there is an older son that lives in me. Reflecting and praying about this, I discovered that it has become a gift, for in my family life, I can now reach in and discover compassion for members of my family that identify easily with the older son. Their pain is not so ‘different’ to me any more, now that I have tasted and seen some of my own tendencies towards resentment.
Peace
Kim
May 14th, 2009 @ 11:05 am
Henri asks us to look honestly at ourselves as having some of the same characteristics of the elder son, thogh we may be unwilling to acknowledge this readily. It is easy to deceive ourselves and to believe that we are above such traits. To admit that we bear grudges and hold resentments means that we cannot pretend to being perfect, to claim superiority. We may have long presented a persona that does not correspond to our true nature. In the exercises Henri recomments we are led to seeing clearly and coming to terms with every facet of our character.
Henri tells us there is always hope for our “return home” and for our gratefulness for seeing the Truth that makes us free, recognizing the gift of unearned Love. Henri shows us the need for surrender, for seeking to be shown Wisdom, for humility in seeing our need to “return home.”
May 14th, 2009 @ 6:25 am
Just have to write here that Henri Nouwen’s insights about resentment have led me to do much thinking. I always thought I was not the older brother but, after reading these chapters, confess I often get in the place where my feeling is I am doing “everything right” and not “being appreciated” and can see that that is just as much about “leaving home” as going out and foolishly doing all the wrong stuff. In fact, I shared a whole couple of pages from the book with my Pastor. Henri Nouwen is on the mark I think with regard to doing from gratitude and not doing to get gratitude. Seems like the way we really learn that is from feeling frustrated with the way things are “turning out.” As the elder brother did. Thank God the father is the way he is or we would all always be in a sorry mess.
May 13th, 2009 @ 6:07 pm
Hi all!
I came away from this chapter feeling a great deal of pity for the elder brother. He seems to be such a sad person–and lonely because he really doesn’t understand the love the Father has for him. His relationship with his Father is based on law and obedience–I gotta do this and I gotta do it perfectly. But it seems to be all on his part and not on the part of the Father who assures him that all that he has belongs to this son. I don’t think this means material goods, but the love and intimacy that he expresses to the younger son which he longs to give the older one as well.
This guy is afraid and insecure, as Henri points out on page 61. He is also hungry for affection, but I don’t think he understands his need. When I look at the painting now, I see him lurking in the shadows more with a look of longing than of anger. He wants to be embraced like that too, but his rigid obedience to rules and his resentment against his brother who broke all the rules keep him from this intimacy with his Father.
I think I have these same tendencies for resentment and anger whenever I focus on “being good” rather than trusting in the intimacy I have with my Father in Heaven.
Peace–Deborah