Week of October 6 – part one of two
During the week of October 6th we are discussing 2 chapters. We invite you to participate in all chapter discussions, especially the ones that particularly resonate with you.“Stop being a pleaser” (page 5)
Brennan Manning, who introduced me to Henri Nouwen, gave me a life phrase – “The Abba loves me very much”. Seeking to please others in order to get validation for who we are is robbing ourselves of the relationship with the Abba who loves us unconditionally. I have found myself asking, “Why am I striving to work for the love and acceptance of this mortal human being when the God of the Universe loves me just for who I am, not what I do, think, feel.” In checking myself and my attitude towards people, I am led, again, to my favorite Nouwen quote. “What happened invites you to conversion”. This is the deepest meaning of history: a constant invitation calling us to turn our hearts to God and so discover the full meaning of our lives. ( Here and Now page 73). The urge to be a people pleaser can be an invitation to get closer to the Abba. How have you moved away from being a people pleaser to a closer relationship with God and discovered a fuller meaning in your life?
Jack
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October 9th, 2008 @ 3:57 pm
When it emotionally feels good to serve are we people pleasing? What should we feel when we serve others via Christ? If we feel we are HIS beloved then is the motivation purer?
October 8th, 2008 @ 3:02 pm
Having a sales career makes it nearly impossible to not be in the people pleasing business, however, keeping a balance between a professional career and a spiritual life is a hard road for me at times
When serving my church, the Spirit reminds me that it’s not a competition, that there is no commission, and that numbers don’t always equate to success.
At times, I am guilty of worrying more about whose present in worship instead of whose missing! Without experiencing the lows that have come with an approval seeking background, being self centered, and needing to belong, conversion with our savior wouldn’t be needed.
The task of allowing God to shape us in our walk with Jesus can get lonely and scary. “For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.” Mt7:8 “Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually.” Ps 105:4
God, I pray that through these comments that our faith grows more in believing the truth about who we are in you and you are in us! Thanks for the gifts that you’ve given each of us along with Henri’s honest words that makes this possible.
Peace&Love
October 6th, 2008 @ 4:25 pm
I’ve spent most of my life trying to be a pleaser. Recently, I was in a situation where I was both required to be a pleaser and to have my very identity defined by the person I was required to please–an identity that was the antithesis of who I am.
I know that I can only learn who I am as I am in relationship with others. However, only God gives me the identity that comes to light through those relationships. I am not a blank canvas that others can desecrate with graffiti, nor can they create what they consider a beautiful work of art out of me. Being a pleaser means shaping my identity on how others will see me and who they will accept or reject me. While I can listen to those who love me to help me discover my God-given self, I need to listen more and more and more to “the Abba who loves me very much.” (That life phrase of Jack’s made my whole week!) Peace in Jesus, Lee
October 4th, 2008 @ 5:27 pm
In pleasing people I find I get immediate gratification which on the surface feels good. The problem is that the good feeling goes away too quickly - then the pressure’s on for more.
Feeling we are his beloved is more complicated and difficult to ascertain but the irony is that it is deeply satisfying.
October 3rd, 2008 @ 8:57 am
I don’t entirely agree with Henri here. It can be self destructive to rely on others to give oneself an identity to trust and find that God within is ultimately my truest, deepest identity.It is then that we are our true selves.
But why discard the inspiration,love or reflection of God that may come from Father, Mother authority figures? Why not get rid internally of any dependence on them to define us, but keep the the truth of the God within them? Stop pleasing or seeking approval, but keep the love, if any, that may be there. That takes much discernment and a very clear sense of who one is. That’s a gift we can give ourselves; freedom.
October 2nd, 2008 @ 1:05 pm
It seems like God helped me to stop being a people-pleaser. A situation came upon me which was so compelling I could not run away from it, from the person I had to deal with, which was an other but also ultimately myself. Perhaps I could have run away, turned to drugs or work or other addictions to deaden the pain, but I chose and am thankful God led me to choose, surrounded all around by the faith community, to “stand in” the pain and discovered that in “standing in” and praying like crazy, I could rise above it, could come out of it still standing up. It seemed like I found out that the vertical direction, God’s and my relationship comes first and then relationships with others. It was a transforming time and I’ve found it easier not to be a people-pleaser since then. I’ve learned how to accept pain for what it is and trust God. For me, it is a calling to be present with others who may come into my days and need a transforming experience too in integrating pain and joy together, the cross and resurrection.